Angry Friendzoned Guys and Angry Sexzoned Girls

Here's a 15 year old me, chilling near a cool Russian monument

Here’s a 15 year old me, chilling near a cool Russian monument

If a guy says something angry upon being friendzoned, he is usually judged harshly, and it’s suggested he felt entitled to sex to have this attitude. And sometimes they say he thought that a woman’s friendship was a consolation prize (which is an insult to her friendship).

A woman is not a machine where you insert friendship coins, until sex falls out!..

Indeed it’s true. But isn’t the same true for men?

A man is not a machine where you insert friendship coins, until friendship falls out.

Offering friendship does not necessarily result in friendship. Sometimes people aren’t interested, or want more. Does that mean women who become angry when friendship is refused, felt entitled to a man’s friendship? Ian Ironwood suggests so: http://theredpillroom.blogspot.no/2014/10/breaking-beta-ending-female-social.html . I think entitlement feelings about sex or friendship might happen, but it’s not necessary to explain the friendzone situation.

When I was a teenager, I moved to another country. I thus lost all my friends, and could only call them rarely. I had to learn to speak English and then Norwegian. I was also naturally introverted and kind of socially awkward at the time. I made my best to fit in and get to know people, but getting true friends was very difficult. I was very lonely. I saw that effort made no difference and started to get kind of mean. At this time, various older guys started hitting on me. Since I had no one to really hang out with, I tried to be “friends” with them. But they only wanted sex, which I didn’t want and was too young for. It was very frustrating and since they gave me nothing, I also gave very little. If they took me out for dinner, I took the dinner. Made out with a few of them, but backed out of having sex every time, unintentionally being a cocktease. I knew they wanted more than I could give, but I tried being friends anyway, as that desire overrode concern for their feelings. If they wouldn’t give it to me, I’d at least take their stuff (that which was freely given, obviously).

I regret being mean to them, but I also can’t judge myself too harshly. Since then I learned the truth in the saying “It’s better to be alone, than with just anybody”. And I realize it’s bad to string along unsuspecting men, just because their refusal to be friends hurt me and deprived me of what I need. But I was young and friendless, and it’s hard to imagine how I could have done better.

This experience makes me wonder if this is how it feels for a young guy to be sexless or girlfriendless?.. Some need is not being met, the efforts he’s making aren’t making a dent, and the incentive to be nice is disappearing. And just like offers of sex felt demanding and using to me, perhaps offers of friendship feel using to him.

I’m not saying it’s good to react that way. Like I said, I regret it. But it’s hardly an entitled reaction (I just WANTED friends pretty badly, not felt entitled to them), and is understandable in some ways, especially if the person is young, or/and doesn’t understand why the other person doesn’t want their sex/friendship. The negatively charged friendzone situation could simply be about two people who don’t understand how the opposite sex thinks. The guy might think “She doesn’t want to have sex with me even though I did everything right, but she wants sex with that guy who does everything wrong. Liar”. The girl might think “He puts no value in my friendship. He only valued me for my body. Pig”. Yet if they only knew how the other person thinks, they would not be so angry. And it’s possible to treat someone well, even if they have nothing to offer or offer only expenses. You don’t have to say yes to them.

Posted in Men, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Cool Links

  1. Roosh explains what a SJW is: http://www.rooshv.com/what-is-a-social-justice-warrior-sjw – very interesting, until he starts with mental illness accusations again.

“SJW’s do not believe in objectivity. Instead, speech and ideas must be viewed relatively depending on the source and its intended audience. The feeling of the statement must also be taken into account, which can be affected by current news, cultural moods, and pop trends.”

  1. The Face of Sex-Trafficking: http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2014/10/10/the-face-of-trafficking/

“He didn’t advertise her on Backpage or any other site used by sex workers, but by contacting people personally.  Though the rescue industry’s professional victims entrance their salivating audiences with tales of daily parades of dozens of callous, uncaring men oblivious to their plight, the very first man who answered Singh’s advert was disgusted by what he found and refused to participate.”

  1. Ian Ironwood rises an interesting question about the friendzone: if men feel entitled to sex, doesn’t it mean women feel entitled to friendship? http://theredpillroom.blogspot.no/2014/10/breaking-beta-ending-female-social.html

“That’s what Female Social Entitlement is: the expectation of an alliance based on an unreciprocated sexual interest.  It’s a shit-test of the highest order, and women know it.  Indeed, to her mind, rejecting a LJBF shit-test is both a criticism of her worthiness and – as a result – her hamster must reconcile such a rejection with her own sense of self-worth (usually hyperinflated) by denigrating the male who dared reject her gracious offer of friendship.”

IMO no one has to be judged as feeling entitled to anything. In the friendzone situation, the sexes want different things and have different expectations of each other, but don’t understand how the other person thinks.

  1. Artist makes illustrations that help women fight prejudice: http://www.boredpanda.com/powerful-illustrations-showing-women-how-to-fight-against-society-prejudices/
    Ill1

    Ill2

    Ill3
    I’m sure many people here would make fun of them, but I didn’t think they were bad or annoying, save for a few that I found silly. Inevitably, some people made jokes such as this one in response:

    “Jack had depression. An he decide to shoot head off. Don’t worry Jack it’s your head , just take gun and shoot :-)”

    That makes me wonder. What would male version of this look like?

  2. Both men and women are “tricking” each other into performing their preferred mate behavior: http://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2iye21/on_manipulation_in_trp/

“And, if you view that as “tricking”, then consider that we’re also “tricking” men. A lot of K-selected men aren’t what we most desire. However, some r-selected men are willing to adopt a K-selected strategy for the sake of a woman who makes life with her too comfortable to not stay and too inconvenient to leave. And some K-selected men can develop r-selected personality traits around women who show themselves as needing a leader, as being weaker than we actually are. If finding r-selected women and making yourself look good to them is “tricking”, then so is finding r-selected men and making ourselves irresistible or finding K-selected men and encouraging them to act like they’re r-selected.”

  1. Interview with David Buss about evolutionary psychology. He answers, among other things, some criticisms of evolutionary psychology. Lengthy, but worth it: http://www.justfourguys.com/david-buss-hbes-interview-on-youtube/
  2. Interesting new movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ESYaFnX8vs It’s about a guy who runs away from a coming avalanche, leaving his kids and wife behind. Nobody is hurt. But the relationship is never the same. The creator of the movie (Ruben Østlund) says it might provoke divorces in real life.
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Freedom of Speech Is Not Dead Yet

(taken from overblikk.no )

(taken from overblikk.no )

Recently, Ubaydullah Hussain (he’s kind of our Norwegian Muslim ISIS-cheerleader) was persecuted for inciting terrorism, but was aquitted. And for a good reason too, as all he was doing was cheering each time the terrorists performed a successful attack, and hoping that Allah rewards them with Paradise.  The courts decided the law can’t be applied so vaguely, and cheering when someone dies is not illegal, or incitement of terrorism. His words might be offensive, but those are his opinions and nothing more. This persecution case is actually very similar to my boyfriend’s.

But I’m surprised over how many people in the comments section were disappointed he didn’t go to jail. There are several reasons why I think they should change their mind.

  1. Don’t people realize that it was THEIR constitutional, humanist values that won the day when Ubaydullah Hussain was acquitted?
  2. You don’t have to respect the man to respect his rights. Because he doesn’t have more or fewer than you, no matter how much you hate him. Respecting his rights is respecting your own.
  3. It’s funny to wish jail on this guy, but tolerate other people cheering for other types of violence. The acceptable types of violence. It’s ok to cheer if your country beats up ISIS or some other dictator (accidentally killing a bunch of civilians – it always happens), it’s ok to cheer if someone is beaten into a pulp cuz they punched their dog, it’s ok to cheer if a pedophile is raped in prison. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel sorry for those people anyway. On the other side of the border, your opponent has a family too, and they’ll hate your guts if you bomb them. And they’ll cheer if your family is killed back. What violence is ok to cheer for, is kinda subjective.
Posted in Politics | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Calling the Opponent Crazy is a Dishonest Way to Invalidate Their Point

I noticed feminists and manosphere writers are calling each other crazy, emotionally damaged, complete with fake pity and condescension. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious the writer is just being a jerk on purpose and wants to damage that person’s reputation. Other times, it seems the writer either truly believes their own words, or they lie very well and never drop their mask.

Well, I’m not gonna tell people to stop it “to be nice”. I just want to inform everyone that whether the opponent has mental problems or not, is completely irrelevant to whether their argument is correct or not. It’s usually just a quick way to make it look like the opponent’s argument has been invalidated. It’s dishonest and illogical. There are also disadvantages to using it knowingly.

  1. If you say “He has no authority on censorship, because he’s crazy”, what will you say if a totally rational, emotionally healthy person with a perfect reputation comes along and makes the same argument? Will you be a hypocrite, or say “Yes, he has authority on this topic, because he’s emotionally healthy, and should be able to censor whatever he wants”?
  2. We all have had something happen in our lives, and we complain about it on the internet. Unless you very carefully engineer your internet reputation, the opponent can dig up dirt on you, and claim you’re crazier than them, using evidence you yourself released. You thought talking about how you overcame depression and work burnout was inspirational? Nope, it will be used against you. You thought being open about stuff on the internet made you look brave? Nah, it just means you’re a crazy who can’t contain your emotions and have to spread them all over the internet.
  3. A manosphere writer shouldn’t cheer on the psychiatry industry, as it’s more likely to break him than his ideological opponents. Unpopular thoughts are often misunderstood and can be labeled as crazy. Don’t dig your own grave. No one will have sympathy when you fall into it.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 27 Comments

Confession # 1: Saying Sorry

When I get irritated at an acquaintance and snap, I apologize to them. But what it really is, is an apology to myself. I feel I should have had better control over the expression of my emotions, and not let small things get to me. I feel shame about it, but no guilt. I know I should feel guilty, but I don’t.

I only feel real guilt if I snap at someone I love or genuinely like. Then, my apology really is addressed to them.

Posted in Personal emo stuff | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

That’s It, I’m Gonna Become a Nerd (+ about Girls in Tech)

My Gender Studies book said something I actually agreed with: that both at home and at work, women avoid tampering with technology if something breaks, and instead let a man fix it. The book says technology tends to “freeze” gender relations – men know technology, and women are dependent on help from tech-savvy men.

The book seems to say that it’s only cultural, and girls would be more technology-capable if only culture didn’t associate technology with masculinity. But I don’t think so. There is a lot to be said about interest for the subject.

When I was a kid, I never really got into technology, computers or anything like that. I wasn’t too interested, and I always felt somehow afraid of touching technology. Like it was too hard and I can’t possibly understand it. Well, I took a calculator apart once, wanted to find silver paper inside batteries, and stuck a needle into the electrical contact, but that’s it (and it was probably dangerous). But why did I think technology was so hard? It’s not. If a 13 year old kid can learn it and become an engineer in the end, why can’t anyone else? Sure, IQ varies and IQ matters, but even a little intelligence should be plenty to learn at least SOMETHING. Like how to hang up/change a ceiling lamp without being electrocuted.

Here’s something funny: I have a master’s degree in Materials, Energy and Nanotechnology. My boyfriend has a Bachelor in Latin, Bachelor in Art and some education in English Literature. Yet he knows a lot about computers and can always fix things and get things to work, and I didn’t know what a CPU was until a few weeks ago. Turns out he read about computers ever since they were available, because it’s fun and you can do cool stuff with them.

Feminists say girls don’t do technology because they only see men doing it, and not women. Because they have no tech-literate female role models. But now that I’ve seen Tim Samaras and my own boyfriend excel in electronics without any formal education in it, I feel pretty damn inspired to do the same. It doesn’t matter if I don’t become great at it, it’s supposed to be FUN. The fun is supposed to come both from the nifty results, and the process of mastering something.

That’s one thing I feel girls need to overcome: fear of failure. Girls tend to be more fearful on average, and according to some reports, give up more easily when things don’t go their way academically. And boys are more energized by challenge and want to see where the “adventure” ends… Why should girls not just do that? Why be filled with negative feelings when something is hard? Why think of something as a problem, instead of an opportunity? Is something terrible gonna happen if you stop worrying/being frustrated, and try harder/different methods/just have fun with it?

No, nothing terrible is gonna happen. And therefore I say I’ll become a nerd. Well, to an extent. Down with technological illiteracy, there is no excuse for it.

Posted in Men, Science&studies, Women | Tagged , , , , , , | 35 Comments

My Education Wasn’t Useless

In this post  I said my education in STEM was useless. But I’m not sure I agree with that anymore. First of all, a friend of my mom’s had a theoretical STEM education too, and still got a job in the field she studied. Obviously someone needs a Useless Intellectual like me for something, even if I have no expert practical skills yet. I was told “EVERYONE has to train and learn skills on their first job”. I will believe them now, and hope for the best.

I also want to admit my education provided me with some skills that are not easy to see initially. First of all, I now know where to find the information I need. Second, I developed curiosity in fields I wasn’t previously interested in. Perhaps I should call it general curiosity, because it applies to almost everything. I now have more hobbies and reading material than I have time for. Partially, the credit for that goes to Eivind Berge , but the university education is just as responsible. I’m not sure I’d be as knowledgeable and evolving as I am now, without them.

Last but not least, I learned social skills at the university. I learned to be ok with holding presentations in front of large crowds, singing in public and just plain old tolerating prolonged social contact (impressive for an introvert like me). None of that was imaginable to me in high school. I’m still an introvert and need time to recharge my energy after social gatherings, but now it’s less time.

Having said that, Tim Samaras is still much better.

 

Posted in Personal emo stuff | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments