That’s It, I’m Gonna Become a Nerd (+ about Girls in Tech)

My Gender Studies book said something I actually agreed with: that both at home and at work, women avoid tampering with technology if something breaks, and instead let a man fix it. The book says technology tends to “freeze” gender relations – men know technology, and women are dependent on help from tech-savvy men.

The book seems to say that it’s only cultural, and girls would be more technology-capable if only culture didn’t associate technology with masculinity. But I don’t think so. There is a lot to be said about interest for the subject.

When I was a kid, I never really got into technology, computers or anything like that. I wasn’t too interested, and I always felt somehow afraid of touching technology. Like it was too hard and I can’t possibly understand it. Well, I took a calculator apart once, wanted to find silver paper inside batteries, and stuck a needle into the electrical contact, but that’s it (and it was probably dangerous). But why did I think technology was so hard? It’s not. If a 13 year old kid can learn it and become an engineer in the end, why can’t anyone else? Sure, IQ varies and IQ matters, but even a little intelligence should be plenty to learn at least SOMETHING. Like how to hang up/change a ceiling lamp without being electrocuted.

Here’s something funny: I have a master’s degree in Materials, Energy and Nanotechnology. My boyfriend has a Bachelor in Latin, Bachelor in Art and some education in English Literature. Yet he knows a lot about computers and can always fix things and get things to work, and I didn’t know what a CPU was until a few weeks ago. Turns out he read about computers ever since they were available, because it’s fun and you can do cool stuff with them.

Feminists say girls don’t do technology because they only see men doing it, and not women. Because they have no tech-literate female role models. But now that I’ve seen Tim Samaras and my own boyfriend excel in electronics without any formal education in it, I feel pretty damn inspired to do the same. It doesn’t matter if I don’t become great at it, it’s supposed to be FUN. The fun is supposed to come both from the nifty results, and the process of mastering something.

That’s one thing I feel girls need to overcome: fear of failure. Girls tend to be more fearful on average, and according to some reports, give up more easily when things don’t go their way academically. And boys are more energized by challenge and want to see where the “adventure” ends… Why should girls not just do that? Why be filled with negative feelings when something is hard? Why think of something as a problem, instead of an opportunity? Is something terrible gonna happen if you stop worrying/being frustrated, and try harder/different methods/just have fun with it?

No, nothing terrible is gonna happen. And therefore I say I’ll become a nerd. Well, to an extent. Down with technological illiteracy, there is no excuse for it.

Posted in Men, Science&studies, Women | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

My Education Wasn’t Useless

In this post  I said my education in STEM was useless. But I’m not sure I agree with that anymore. First of all, a friend of my mom’s had a theoretical STEM education too, and still got a job in the field she studied. Obviously someone needs a Useless Intellectual like me for something, even if I have no expert practical skills yet. I was told “EVERYONE has to train and learn skills on their first job”. I will believe them now, and hope for the best.

I also want to admit my education provided me with some skills that are not easy to see initially. First of all, I now know where to find the information I need. Second, I developed curiosity in fields I wasn’t previously interested in. Perhaps I should call it general curiosity, because it applies to almost everything. I now have more hobbies and reading material than I have time for. Partially, the credit for that goes to Eivind Berge , but the university education is just as responsible. I’m not sure I’d be as knowledgeable and evolving as I am now, without them.

Last but not least, I learned social skills at the university. I learned to be ok with holding presentations in front of large crowds, singing in public and just plain old tolerating prolonged social contact (impressive for an introvert like me). None of that was imaginable to me in high school. I’m still an introvert and need time to recharge my energy after social gatherings, but now it’s less time.

Having said that, Tim Samaras is still much better.

 

Posted in Personal emo stuff | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Rape is not merely “sex without consent”

I was recently told by someone who is against feminism that this video shows real rape. I want to explain why it’s false.

1.Rape is not merely “sex without consent”.

It is surprising to me that someone who is against feminism adopts the most radical feminist definition of rape, but perhaps it should not be. Feminism permeates our culture, including social norms and morality. A lot of people in the West think that rape is correctly defined as “sex without consent”. They would be surprised to learn that this is not the legal definition of rape even in most of the feminist countries ( except UK, where this PSA came from) – most countries require some sort of force or a threat. These people are not the man-hating radfems, but in some ways they ironically act more feminist than the feminist states they live in. Unfortunately, with time the feminist states broaden the definition of rape more and more, agreeing that one need not use force or real threats to become a rapist. I fear we’ll soon all be like UK.

2.There is a difference between assholery behavior and criminal behavior

One reason why a normal person might think the video features a rape, is because the guy really WAS rude. He was not considerate and grabby. An average person might say “You don’t need to be so mean and socially retarded. If a woman is crying in bed with you, something is wrong and you should have known it – you should have stopped. Therefore you’re a rapist if you continue”. For some reason, people can separate being a lying friend (worthy of shunning) and being a fraudulent business partner (worthy of jail), but can’t separate being an asshole in bed and being a real rapist. I think they should not make such an exception for rape, as it is just another crime and does not require special justice rules. To continue to do so smells of female favoritism.

3.It is Ultimately the Woman’s Choice to Have a Backbone or Let Him Have It

You know what this video is? This is a girl, who decided that it’s easier to give the guy what he wants, instead of facing a potential situation where she has to fight her way out. He didn’t threaten her or anything, and he might not have rape on his mind at all, but she imagines he might threaten her, and might hit her, and therefore lets him have it . He has not done any of those criminal things himself, she just imagines that he might. And under UK law, he can be punished for her imagination. The video presents this as correct, right, and just as it should be. You, the viewer, is supposed to arrive at the same conclusion as the PSA: “Would you see rape? Oh yes, you would.”

But let’s talk about the choices of the girl. What is the point of letting that nasty man have it, if you aren’t even sure you’ve been robbed of a choice to avoid sex? You don’t yet know if he intends to rape you, or he is simply very insistent yet harmless, and it’s starting to scare you? I think M3 said it best (http://whoism3.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/more-random-musings-on-rape-culture-nonsense/ ):

“Assert your agency, if you feel you are about to be raped because of a misunderstanding regarding consent, and the sex you are about to have is not the sex you want, simply sit up, look at your partner and say:

“No”

And if there is any further attempts by the person to continue, use this second foolproof phrase to nail it home:

“Are you intending to RAPE me then?”

This one simple phrase should make it clear to any man that escalation has gone too far. If his intent was rape, then nothing would end up stopping him, but at least you asserted yourself and can now rightfully claim the status of victim having been acted upon against your will under duress due to threat of force. My guess is that 99.9% of men will stop right there. They may tell you to leave, or unceremoniously tell you to GTFO, or call you a SLUT for leading them on, but one thing you will not be is raped. Another thing you will not is be a voluntary victim and imagining you are being raped. That one line will empower you to get a clear intent to your partner that he has crossed a boundary. This will remove any idea from his mind that you are putting up token resistance or trying to keep your slut shield intact.”

In short, don’t volunteer to be a victim. Frankly, volunteering to be a victim can have dignity-lowering effect on your self-image, even with smaller stuff. Although I should add that M3’s method is not foolproof, since asking “Are you gonna rape me?” in a joking tone will do nothing to dissolve a man’s confusion. It should be said seriously, perhaps with follow-up questions.

Conclusion

If this was a straight up “Don’t be a rapist” PSA for guys, it would not make their “rape” so vague. It would show him overpowering a girl, putting a knife to her throat, threatening to kill or seriously harm her, something like that. This PSA is specifically vague because it wants to convince you it’s acceptable to put men in jail because the woman let him have it due to potential threat from him and thus volunteered to be a victim. This video is a part of the feminist program to convince men that they are responsible for women’s choices. They want you to agree that when a woman can’t find her backbone, you have to be labeled a rapist and face the consequences of that. And since I want women to have backbones and men to avoid spending time in jail for nothing, I strongly disagree that this video shows real rape.

Posted in Feminism, MRA | Tagged , , , | 61 Comments

”13 year olds are not ready for sex”

One argument for a high age of consent that seems to come up is that teenagers aren’t ready for sex. And it’s true – many teens are ready, and many aren’t. I wasn’t ready, I thought the idea of sex was icky, and therefore said no to everyone. Many of my friends weren’t ready. But I know girls who lost their virginity anyway, because her girlfriends had. Peer pressure can be powerful. Ready or not ready, they went for it just to fit in with their peers. It was no tragedy for them, and no horrible experience, but they didn’t enjoy it. We do a lot of things in our teens that we regret later, but life goes on (unless our actions result in horrible consequences. But I’m not a traditional Christian conservative and don’t believe sex inherently hurts a girl beyond repair).

On the other hand, I remember boys and girls who lost their virginity at 13, and were raving about how great sex was. They told me “You don’t know what you’re missing” and “There is nothing negative about sex”.

However, not being ready for sex is not a sign you’re still a child. A teenager might not be ready for sex, but they understand sex. Especially in a country with sex education in schools and homes. They understand it enough to say no if they don’t find the idea of sex appealing. They might be affected by peer pressure, and they might end up doing things they wish they haven’t, but they aren’t ignorant children.

Also, it’s needless to say that an age of consent law would do nothing to save your teenaged kids from peer pressure-induced fucking. It would be interesting to know what we should do to be fair to both types of teenagers – those that are horny, and those that are not yet ready.

Posted in Personal emo stuff, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 20 Comments

Where to find a good incel guy to date?

Recently I got this comment under my post “Good Reasons to Fuck and Omega or a Lesser Beta Male”:

“I know I’m obviously a little late in reading/commenting on this, but I’m wondering if you know a good place to meet incel guys? I’m not looking for the fwb thing, but feel that a man that is incel would more than likely make a better partner.”

I agree dating an incel can have some advantages, but want to note that like in any other group, there are good and bad men among the incels. I didn’t have a great answer to her question, and want to ask my readers. Where to find a good guy who will be a good partner, but also has no luck with women?

Posted in Men | Tagged | 30 Comments

The Godfather Series: How to Keep Loyalty in Marriage (SPOILERS)

I think Don Vito Corleone and Carmela Corleone are the cutest couple in the movie series. And that is despite the fact that not much attention is drawn to their relationship, and despite Carmela’s character being in the background much of the time.

The moment I noticed the significance of this relationship was during that intense scene where Kay announces to Michael that her miscarriage was an abortion. Prior to that, he still wants to keep the marriage and wants to make everything up to her, while she is sick of being married to a criminal mob boss and can’t take it anymore. The assassination attempts and the killing prove to be too much, and she wants out. The act of announcing she aborted his son insures, in her mind, that her husband will never forgive her and will have no choice but to give her up. And it works, and kills the marriage.

On the other hand, Michael’s father and mother stay together until death. Now I want to explore the differences between the two marriages, and why one failed and another survived, despite both living a mafia life, with all its dark sides.

Kay Adams and Michael Corleone

Michael_and_Kay

Kay is a regular American, while Michael comes from an Italian-American family. When Kay and Michael meet, Michael insists that all that mafia business is his family, but it isn’t him. He really doesn’t want to be a part of their activities. But then, his father is almost assassinated, and since family comes first, he voluntarily kills those guys for revenge. He hides in Sicily for a while, and even gets married to a Sicilian girl, who unfortunately gets blown up in the car bomb meant for him. Later he becomes the next Don. Eventually, when he asks Kay to marry him, he intends to make his business legitimate and crime-free within five years.

When abandoning mafia life turns out to be difficult, Kay grows angry and tired of living with it, and does this abortion speech. On one side, one can see her point, as Michael keeps giving out promises he can’t keep, and trying to conceal the full extent of his business. On the other hand, it’s hard to understand what Kay was thinking when she married him. He was involved in some really shady business. And shady business is not easy to simply get out of. Even if he does his best, his enemies might drag him back in, or kill him, or the cops will do him in.

Some will interpret her behavior as dumping a man because things didn’t go exactly as she expected. And others will interpret it as dumping someone who was lying a lot, and didn’t hold up his promises and therefore wasn’t a man of his word. I see both sides, but I gotta say I didn’t feel much sympathy for Kay.

Carmela and Vito Corleone

Vito_and_Carmela

Both Carmela and Vito come from the same culture. They marry early. To begin with, they are poor because cops offer no protection from a local bully who takes Italian-Americans’ jobs and wages. To begin with, Vito and friends do small criminality to make ends meet. But when the bully tries to press their money out of them, Vito kills him and hides the evidence. This makes him respected in the neighborhood, and his journey towards becoming a powerful mafia boss is begun. His wife Carmela seems to accept it, and even asks him to use his influence to help some specific people she knows and feels sympathy for. She knows he’s doing criminal stuff, but nevertheless remains on his team. And from what I see, she is always respected by her kids and everyone else. There is no sign that she’s a poor doormat who has no mind of her own. Here Here’s what her Wikipedia page says about her view on her husband’s business (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmela_Corleone ):

“Carmela was disturbed by Vito’s change from a kind, quiet young man to a pragmatic and ruthless criminal. However Carmela seems to forgive Vito for his many crimes, because he remains essentially a good man who is devoted to his family. Devoutly Catholic, Carmela attends Mass every day to pray for her husband’s soul to keep him from “going down there.””

And this page (http://godfather.wikia.com/wiki/Carmela_Corleone ) says he never cheated on her or hit her, and that they had a loving relationship overall. But I’d have to read the novel to be sure.

Being a Team is Important

Carmela and Vito married when Vito was still just a regular working guy. They came through some rough times together. A husband doing certain types of crime becomes more acceptable if you want to survive, want your kids to survive, and you can’t rely on legal law-enforcement to protect you from wannabe-gangsters. And this is why I think Carmela never complained about it, like Kay did. She was “in on it”, and benefitted from it right from the desperate start. If Vito had a problem, it was not merely his problem, it was both of their problem. For Kay on the other hand, all that crime stuff seems to have always been Michael’s problem and his alone. She benefitted from his money for a while, but didn’t live his life, and wasn’t prepared to go all in. She did love him enough to become temporarily stupid enough to marry a mobster, but not enough to stick with him in case he can’t stop being a mobster within five years.

And this is what I conclude helps a relationship. Be a team. You get what you see, so take it or leave it. Don’t give out promises you can’t keep.

Posted in Movies&music, Personal emo stuff, Red Pill, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Girl Goes to Study STEM “because my parents said I’m so good at solving math problems in school”

This is going to be a bit of a confession. Probably resume-damaging. But whatever. The job-seeking process seems inherently dishonest and my gut feeling tells me it’s wrong.

Yesterday I read a National Geographic article about a famous engineer and tornado scientist/chaser Tim Samaras. He was one of the most careful chasers out there, which is why his death by tornado was such a surprise to everyone. His colleague Carl Young and son Paul Samaras were also killed. ( http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2013/11/biggest-storm/draper-text )

But what I found most interesting, was what he spent his adolescence on. Pay attention to the parts in bold:

“When the elder Samaras saw how much his son enjoyed tinkering, he took out a want ad for used television sets, then piled them all in front of Tim—who promptly took them apart, repaired and reassembled them. Meanwhile his mother had given up making him play Little League baseball after she noticed that he would spend game time in the outfield gazing not at the ball but instead at whatever in the sky interested him.

Samaras became a ham radio operator by the time he was 13 or 14, a radio repair technician at 16, a service-shop foreman at 17. He did not bother to enroll in college. Instead, in 1977 the high school graduate walked into the office of Larry Brown of the University of Denver Research Institute without a résumé. Brown saw something in the teenager and hired him. “Within weeks,” Brown says, “it was obvious he could fix things that my most senior technicians couldn’t.” By 20 Samaras had Pentagon security clearance and was helping to test, build, and explode weapons systems. “I get paid to blow shit up,” he would exult.”

At the age when he was picking radios apart and rebuilding them, I was making violent comics, paperdolls and other art. I even had my own little comic that was printed in the Saturday issue of a newspaper. Yet at a certain point in high school, kids were supposed to pick a direction of their higher education. And being an artist is really not lucrative or profitable. I went to this high school counselor with others kids, and she was supposed to help us pick a career based on our talents. I was quite good at high school physics, math and chemistry, so they suggested I study science. My parents also saw that I was good at those subjects in school, and also agreed I could study science. And so I did. I picked a program named “Materials, energy and nanotechnology”- it seemed to combine all the subjects I got an A in. It also sounded future-oriented, with its focus on renewable energy. Since it’s so future-oriented, I thought I’d obviously be useful with such an education. I thought maybe I could become a scientist and earn good money.

Already in the first few years at the University I could feel my education was educating, but not adding many concrete, practical skills. People in profession schools were already becoming plumbers, electricians and whatever else. I could do derivation and integration for you.

I had to give up the majority of my art activities to study, and at times it was really annoying. However, I still used my free time on art or something similar. To me, fun was fun – movies and art. And studying was work. I was doing it so I could earn more money later. Not because I naturally want to build stuff, or had a passion for renewable energy.

A friend’s father told me “You can’t learn much by studying like that”. At the time, I was hoping he was wrong. But after getting a Master’s degree and still not getting a job in the field, I think he was right. The education involved a lot of reading and solving problems from the book. Sure, we had some practical education too, but it wasn’t as much as would produce great skills. And if you want to become a real scientist, you better have top grades (mine are good, but not top). Right now, the only thing I feel truly confident in, is my ability to teach things I learned to other people. I could become a teacher. Except I hate interacting with kids or teens I don’t know very well, so it’s not an option. Any other useful skills I would have to work on, by .. working. Or training them at home in my free time.

And this is the pitfall for a “good student” girl who goes to study STEM because everyone thinks she’d be good at it. Being good at studying is not being actually useful in a subject. A good student girl wants to be paid for doing things a boy like young Tim Samaras will do for free. For fun. Who will actually be truly useful and good at age 25?

I’m almost useless for the STEM field. Compared to Tim Samaras anyway. I’m not even feeling bad about it – it’s just true.

Posted in Men, Personal emo stuff, Science&studies, Women | Tagged , , , , | 32 Comments