I was recently told by someone who is against feminism that this video shows real rape. I want to explain why it’s false.
1.Rape is not merely “sex without consent”.
It is surprising to me that someone who is against feminism adopts the most radical feminist definition of rape, but perhaps it should not be. Feminism permeates our culture, including social norms and morality. A lot of people in the West think that rape is correctly defined as “sex without consent”. They would be surprised to learn that this is not the legal definition of rape even in most of the feminist countries ( except UK, where this PSA came from) – most countries require some sort of force or a threat. These people are not the man-hating radfems, but in some ways they ironically act more feminist than the feminist states they live in. Unfortunately, with time the feminist states broaden the definition of rape more and more, agreeing that one need not use force or real threats to become a rapist. I fear we’ll soon all be like UK.
2.There is a difference between assholery behavior and criminal behavior
One reason why a normal person might think the video features a rape, is because the guy really WAS rude. He was not considerate and grabby. An average person might say “You don’t need to be so mean and socially retarded. If a woman is crying in bed with you, something is wrong and you should have known it – you should have stopped. Therefore you’re a rapist if you continue”. For some reason, people can separate being a lying friend (worthy of shunning) and being a fraudulent business partner (worthy of jail), but can’t separate being an asshole in bed and being a real rapist. I think they should not make such an exception for rape, as it is just another crime and does not require special justice rules. To continue to do so smells of female favoritism.
3.It is Ultimately the Woman’s Choice to Have a Backbone or Let Him Have It
You know what this video is? This is a girl, who decided that it’s easier to give the guy what he wants, instead of facing a potential situation where she has to fight her way out. He didn’t threaten her or anything, and he might not have rape on his mind at all, but she imagines he might threaten her, and might hit her, and therefore lets him have it . He has not done any of those criminal things himself, she just imagines that he might. And under UK law, he can be punished for her imagination. The video presents this as correct, right, and just as it should be. You, the viewer, is supposed to arrive at the same conclusion as the PSA: “Would you see rape? Oh yes, you would.”
But let’s talk about the choices of the girl. What is the point of letting that nasty man have it, if you aren’t even sure you’ve been robbed of a choice to avoid sex? You don’t yet know if he intends to rape you, or he is simply very insistent yet harmless, and it’s starting to scare you? I think M3 said it best (http://whoism3.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/more-random-musings-on-rape-culture-nonsense/ ):
“Assert your agency, if you feel you are about to be raped because of a misunderstanding regarding consent, and the sex you are about to have is not the sex you want, simply sit up, look at your partner and say:
And if there is any further attempts by the person to continue, use this second foolproof phrase to nail it home:
“Are you intending to RAPE me then?”
This one simple phrase should make it clear to any man that escalation has gone too far. If his intent was rape, then nothing would end up stopping him, but at least you asserted yourself and can now rightfully claim the status of victim having been acted upon against your will under duress due to threat of force. My guess is that 99.9% of men will stop right there. They may tell you to leave, or unceremoniously tell you to GTFO, or call you a SLUT for leading them on, but one thing you will not be is raped. Another thing you will not is be a voluntary victim and imagining you are being raped. That one line will empower you to get a clear intent to your partner that he has crossed a boundary. This will remove any idea from his mind that you are putting up token resistance or trying to keep your slut shield intact.”
In short, don’t volunteer to be a victim. Frankly, volunteering to be a victim can have dignity-lowering effect on your self-image, even with smaller stuff. Although I should add that M3’s method is not foolproof, since asking “Are you gonna rape me?” in a joking tone will do nothing to dissolve a man’s confusion. It should be said seriously, perhaps with follow-up questions.
If this was a straight up “Don’t be a rapist” PSA for guys, it would not make their “rape” so vague. It would show him overpowering a girl, putting a knife to her throat, threatening to kill or seriously harm her, something like that. This PSA is specifically vague because it wants to convince you it’s acceptable to put men in jail because the woman let him have it due to potential threat from him and thus volunteered to be a victim. This video is a part of the feminist program to convince men that they are responsible for women’s choices. They want you to agree that when a woman can’t find her backbone, you have to be labeled a rapist and face the consequences of that. And since I want women to have backbones and men to avoid spending time in jail for nothing, I strongly disagree that this video shows real rape.