Reflections on Unemployment

For about four months, I was an intern at an electronics store. That means the company pays me in knowledge and experience, while I live on welfare. I’ve learned to help people fix their computers and find out what’s wrong with them. Everything was going well, but at the end of the contract period, I was told they can’t afford another hire.

This is not an occurrence that is unfamiliar to me. I have not had it happen before this time, but I know it happens. My mother experienced it several times before. After googling it, I’ve found that this experience is not uncommon. The employer wants to reduce costs, the unemployed intern wants, at least, to gain experience, and the welfare office wants the intern to get hired. The third one is the only one who loses.

But that makes me wonder – why am I still unemployed? Am I just a retard who has nothing to offer, or is something else the matter? If I accept the former conclusion, then the plan is obvious – lay back, relax, and use retardation as an excuse for why nobody wants to hire me (probably for a good reason). But I suspect it is not the problem.

My granpas always worked. One was an academic, the other one was a captain and an inventor. My mother’s mother always worked – she was an electrician. My second grandma I can’t say too much about, as she became ill very early and was not productive. My parents always worked, except during the economic crisis times in 1992 and 1997, where many Russian people lost their jobs and had to become businessmen on the spot. In the late 90s, this is exactly what happened to my family. My mom got into debt, got a clothing store, and survived off of that, while the government taxed her more than pre-crisis. If someone says it was the time Russian socialism collapsed and people got to experience rabid capitalism, they got the wrong picture. In 2001, my mother and I moved to Norway. Since then, mother experienced many internships that didn’t result in proper hiring, short-term mini-jobs and confused looks from social workers, who concluded that her lack of career success means she just has “problems with communication”.

It’d be very likely that I’d accept such a label for myself, if what is happening to me now, did not happen to my mother first. I was always introverted and not very socially graceful. But both my parents were always popular, socially brave people. I remember when I was small, they always invited lots of guests for New Year’s Eve and other holidays. The company they held were all educated, cultured people with jobs. That is how things were for my mom, until she moved countries.

All this leads me to my conclusion. Almost everyone in my family was competent and hard-working, and I have their genes. But once one of these people ends up in Norway, they lose status, they are demoted to the lower class, and experience a job drought. I can’t help but think switching countries is the common factor. I can’t help but think that if I stayed in Russia, I would have a job since age 17, just like my mother did. Instead of having financial security and job drought, I would have financial insecurity, but plenty of places to get hired at. Something we do, which works so brilliantly in Russia, fails entirely in Norway. But what is it? Is it within my power to change, or is it simply a matter of having relatively powerful, employed relatives that can use their network to give you a job?

Thoughts on this will be appreciated. By the way, if you want to connect with me on LinkedIn, here is my profile: https://no.linkedin.com/pub/nataliya-kochergova/77/943/b99 :)

Posted in Personal emo stuff, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Why is “loving yourself” necessary?

I noticed a lot of “acceptance” blogs emphasize “loving yourself”. For a long time, I felt it was an odd phrase and couldn’t say it applied to myself. Yet I don’t feel any self-hate…

Why must I “love” myself? It sounds so odd. The implications must be that if you refuse to love yourself, you must hate yourself. But I think self-respect is what characterizes a happy, healthy person. Self-respect is free of self-loathing. It lets a person admit their mistakes or flaws, without sinking into a negative downward spiral of thoughts. And then it lets the person work on those mistakes or flaws. Self-respect is accountability mixed with optimism. Accountability alone is too demanding and punishing, while optimism alone is too naively delusional.

And this is why I think “loving yourself” is a product of people who struggle with self-hatred. Because their self-respect does not work automatically, they have to spell it out, and try to learn it. People who don’t suffer from self-hate don’t love themselves, the same way most people don’t think about how to walk. It just comes naturally, and thinking about it might even confuse you and make you trip.

So no, I don’t think you have to explicitly say you love yourself, if you already feel fine and don’t suffer from terrible self-esteem.

Posted in Beauty, Fat, Personal emo stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

The Myth of the Unfuckability of Fat Girls

Sometimes, feminists stumble upon the truth. Sometimes this truth is something even the manosphere denies.

1.

“I remember the exact moment that the concept of someone finding me attractive became even a remote possibility. I was 20 years old (TWENTY), talking to a friend when they said with a snicker, “Can you believe Henry thinks you’re hot?!?”

This sentence came to me as a question because “Henry” was not one to be flattered by. He didn’t have girls lining up to date him and he didn’t possess any qualities of a good catch, but these details were lost on me. I was still shocked and stunned by the fact that ANY homosapien on this planet would find my body attractive.

Growing up, I felt so desexualized that the promise of any sort of physical appreciation was inconceivable, even in my future. Yet here I was. A male found me sexy. It was within this moment that my wheels started turning — and thus began my two-year stint with reckless and hedonistic debauchery.”

-Jes the Militant Baker, “Fat and Easy: Totally Not Synonyms”

It is strange to hear a woman tell her story of how she thought no one would ever want to fuck her, but I think it happens. Women can be deceived about how much sexual power they really have.

2.

Fat chicks bang hot guys… ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the “universally attractive” kind of hot. Y’know, the kind fat chicks don’t deserve? We want to pretend that we don’t know what I’m talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that “fat chicks bang ‘hot’ guys” was one of the most powerful realizations I’ve had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn’t personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks?  Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin’: through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. “Girls” showed what society thinks about that when Hannah’s character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their shit. “Patrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunham” was the most eye catching.”

– Jes The Militant Baker, Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls… So I Will”

I agree, a doctor with Patrick Wilson’s looks would bang someone who looks like Lena Dunham. It’s totally plausible and not Hollywood fiction. Men lower their standard for sex, and increase them for marriage and serious relationships.

3.

I’m against rape. Unless it’s obsese women. How else are they going to get sweet, sweet cock?

People really say this shit.

Whether they really believe it is almost immaterial. The purpose of comments like these isn’t to argue sincerely that rapists are doing a favor to fat chicks; it’s to wound the fat woman or women at whom they’re directed, as deeply as possible. And it works, to the extent that it does (which depends on the person and the day), because too many of us fully believe the underlying premise on which that twisted leap of logic is based: No one wants to fuck a fatty.”

-Kate Harding, “How do you fuck a fat woman?”

Later, Kate Harding tells us about that time a male friend was giving her sensual backrubs and touched her boobs, but she was so convinced he couldn’t be attracted to her, that she never interpreted it as sexual attention. Also, note the illogical insult thrown her way by an internet troll. The correct way to insult a woman’s attractiveness is to say “The only way you’d get laid is by raping a guy”, not “The only way you’d get laid is by being raped”. The latter makes no sense. Unless, of course, you believe rapists rape for asexual reasons, that is for power and control, and never because he wants to use force to get sex. I think it can be concluded that the internet troll was quite obviously a feminist her-/himself.

And this is one rare time when feminists stumble upon the truth. Fat chicks are neither unfuckable nor unable to get sex from sexy men.

Posted in Fat, Feminism, Men, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 51 Comments

My Awesome Granpa

I had one awesome granpa. While my other grandparents were good and talented in their own way, Dmitri Petrovich was the one that stood out as a role model to me. When I tell you about him, you will see why he was awesome, and why I (and maybe you ;) ) would want to be like him.

1. He was a great captain

My granpa was a captain who transported building materials along rivers. He never had a single accident in his career. He also inspired people to follow his orders instead of using force or intimidation. He gave many alcoholics and abandoned teenagers a chance to work and rise above their situation, and they did.

2.He was an inventor

He designed and built devices to make river transport of products easier. While this isn’t as grand as inventing the lightbulb, it’s more than I can boast about right now.

3.He said no to death so many times

My granpa survived cancer, strokes, broken ribs and punctured lungs, childhood famine and being operated without proper anesthesia. I remember him as a calm, optimistic man. I think he was capable of simply refusing to die, as long as he had something to live for. What finally killed him was the stroke that happened only a few months after his wife’s death. They spent 61 years together.

4.His bedtime stories were the best

He always told me stories before sleep when I was a child. He made them up on the spot and they never seized to captivate me.

5.He was a sinewy badass, like Bruce Lee

He was neither too tall not too buff, but he had better strength and endurance than men much bigger than him. Also, one time a guy was threatening him, and granpa held him outside a window, threatening to drop if he didn’t stop it.

6.And yet, he was not an aggressive fellow.

As I said before, I remember him as a calm and optimistic guy. I think I have only seen him become angry twice in my life. He didn’t need anger – people were too embarrassed to disappoint him to ever allow for that possibility.

7.He was kind

He helped many men get their life back on track. And he once saved a drunk stranger from freezing death, by carrying him into a public building, away from the -40 degree weather. BabaiDeda BabaiDeda2 deda deda2 And I think he kinda looked like Mr. Spock. Or Mr. Spock looked like my granpa.

Posted in Personal emo stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Thoughts on Revenge Porn Laws

Revenge porn laws criminalize distribution of sexually explicit media without the consent of the individual/s involved. Often, it’s done by ex-partners who wish to harm the individual, usually a woman.

Are they necessary?

My first thought, when hearing about them, is that it’s another way to overregulate things and make every little assholery behavior illegal. I’m not a fan of legislating morality – I think the state should protect its people from the worst offences, but leave people to figure the small stuff out for themselves. The personal is not political.

1)They’re Superfluous

It’s already illegal to secretly film people if they are not in public. Secretly filming your partner while you have sex might land you in hot water, if ever released. The only obstacle would, perhaps, be lack of evidence. It would be hard to prove that the victim didn’t know he/she was being filmed. But that would be true with revenge porn laws, too. It would be hard to prove that the accuser didn’t initially consent to having their pictures released on the internet, and then lie that they didn’t consent. So it doesn’t seem to help.

2)The Consequences Aren’t Enough to Make it Illegal

There are concerns that having your naked pictures be made public can lead to job loss, marital prospects being negatively affected, and reputation being ruined. Is it a good reason to make it illegal?

*If potential for job loss was a good reason to make something illegal, it would make gossip illegal. Also, revealing other people’s secrets, such as HIV status. Do we really want this much restriction on free speech?

*Why does revealing that you do normal, harmless things (have sex, and make home videos/photos) have to lead to job loss and a ruined reputation? Why can’t someone be a powerful CEO by day, and an amateur pornstar by night? If nude pictures lead to job loss and shame, then society/employer was the problem, not the person whose pics were released, and not even the person who released the pics. Btw, I’m not convinced job loss and a ruined reputation would even happen over nude pictures. At least not here. Maybe more likely in puritan USA?

*A person who is greatly concerned with their marital prospects would not film themselves having sex, or take candid photos. And even then, I’m not convinced it’s that big of a deal. Even porn stars get married. Some men might not accept a woman who has a sex tape, but many others will see it as an opportunity to create their own sex tape with her. Plus many men get upset that she used to do kinky acts on tape, and refused to do the same with him, not that she did them at all.

3)They are Oddly Specific

Why do we need laws specifically against releasing naked pictures and porn? Lots of things except sex are private. Lots of things except sex can be embarrassing. If the logic behind revenge porn laws was to protect privacy and reputation, then posting prank videos should be illegal. Same would apply to pictures of drunk sleeping people, who have been drawn on with a marker. Or reading and revealing someone’s personal diary.

IMO, the focus on sex reveals revenge porn laws to be another manifestation of the feminist fear that a woman’s sexual capital will be stolen or tarnished somehow. It’s not just about provacy or consent.

Posted in Feminism, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

Set Weight Range

Some scientists say we all have a set weight range, a range of body mass (and more precisely, fat amount) we are most comfortable having. The number 10% keeps coming up when I read about it. So if you gain or lose more than 10% of your set point weight, your metabolism will fight back, making it harder and harder to progress in that direction. Here are some studies about this:

1.Genetic factors apprear to account for about 40 to 70 per cent of the variation in BMI among women and among men:

Maes, H. H. M., Neale, M. C., & Eaves, L. J. (1997). Genetic and environmental factors in relative body weight and human adiposity. Behavior Genetics, 27, 325-351.

2.The set point is a biologically determines standard around which fat mass is regulated:

Powley, T. L., & Keesey, R. E. (1970). Relationship of body weight to the lateral hypothalamic feeding syndrome. Journal of Comparative and Physiological Psychology, 70, 25-36.

However, there is also evidence that this set weight range is not destiny. It’s very hard to believe in that, in light of the fact that modern Americans are really fat compared to their grandparents, whose genes aren’t significantly different. If they had a fixed weight range, wouldn’t they have a hard time staying so fat? I think their set weight range must have shifted upwards because of their long-term commitment to weight gaining. There are also comparisons between genetically similar people who live in different countries:

3.Prevalence of both obesity and type 2 diabetes is a result of environmental factors and are therefore largely preventable:

Esparsa, J., Fox, C., Harper I. T., et al. (2000). Daily expenditure in Mexican and USA Pima Indians: Low physical activity as a possible cause of obesity. International Journal of Obesity and Related Metabolic Disorders, 69-80.

Schulz, L. O., Bennett, P. H., Ravussin, E., et al. (2006). Effects of traditional and Western environments on prevalence of type 2 diabetes in Pima Indians in Mexico and the U.S. Diabetes Care, 29, 1866-1871.

 

My experience partially fits both the set weight range view of things. There was a time when I gained weight, only to feel a decrease in appetite and lose it all again. It happened because I was too lazy and undisciplined about eating enough. Will this time be the same? I think not, because:
1.I gained a lot more self-discipline through training self-discipline.

2.I’m less tolerant of the feeling of hunger now. Not sure how this is explained, but I feel compelled to eat something when my stomach feels empty now. It’s an unpleasant feeling.

What do you think of set weight range? Have it defeated your attempts to change your weight? Have you defeated it?

Posted in Science&studies | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Contradictory SMV of the Older Man

Do men in their 30s have higher SMV than men in their 20s, or do they not?

As an average-looking woman, I noticed I get way more attention from older men, than men my age. It’s been like this since I was a very young teenager. I have been wondering about this one for a while: if teenage boys have lower SMV than 30 year old men, why did I have more adult “takers” than teenage ones? And why do some men regret not fucking all the “plain” teenage girls that threw themselves at them when they were in high school? It is as if getting older gives men a newfound appreciation for female youth. Now there is a study that might shine light on that mystery:

http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/abs/10.1162/REST_a_00377?journalCode=rest#.VWxwmEYprnh

“Empirical results show lower cognitive ability, lower educational attainment, lower occupational wages, lower earnings, and less attractive appearance among those married to a differently aged spouse.”

I can’t say this fits my situation when it comes to cognitive ability and education, but so far, I’m poor and average-looking, and with a man who is 10 years older than me. He is similar – smart and overeducated, but poor (rather cute though). My parents, on the other hand, were always hot, popular people, and they are the same age. What does it mean? Does it mean a woman “settles” for an older man?

It’s also true that most women marry older men (even if by a few years): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

“Most men marry women younger than they are; with the difference being between two to three years in Spain,[3] with the UK reporting the difference to be on average about three years, and the US, two and a half.[10][11] The pattern was also confirmed for the rest of the world, with the gap being largest in Africa.[12]

At the same time, there are men who swear they get way more attention now, than in their 30s. And there are women who swear men really get better looking with age (this comment section: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/11/men-dont-get-better-looking.html ). Perhaps the former is explained by men getting higher marriage market value, not large sexual market value. And the latter could be explained by women’s preferences for looks changing with age:

smv

Chart comes from Christian Rudder’s book “Dataclysm” ( http://www.amazon.com/Dataclysm-When-Think-Ones-Looking/dp/0385347375 )

In short, men in theirh 30s could be getting more attention from former carousel riders who want to jump off the carousel, and women slightly younger than themselves. Also, average-looking young women. Is there more to it?

Posted in Beauty, Men, Red Pill, Science&studies, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments