The Law of Attraction Really Works

Welcome to my blog.  I’m Eivind’s imaginary girlfriend.  I will explain the origins of my existence soon enough, but first of all I would like to tell everyone that I know Santa and if you ever want anything specific for Christmas, you can ask me and I will put in a good word for you.  But only if you’re nice and not naughty*.

Have you ever heard of the Law of Attraction? It’s the most powerful Law in the Universe.  It is quite simple:  thoughts become things. Whatever your thoughts and feelings revolve around will eventually manifest itself in your reality.  Whatever you have now, you have attracted to you with your thoughts.
Well, by thinking about what you really want, you can attract whatever you want  to you. Most believers of the Law of Attraction (LoA) already know that, but there is something many don’t yet realize. Using the LoA, you can not only attract to you what already exists, but create your own stuff with the power of your mind.  Matter is energy, as the quantum mechanics tell us, and you need quite a lot of energy to put something to existence from scratch. Thankfully, the LoA says that a negative thought is far more powerful than a positive one (if someone tells you otherwise, don’t listen to them. Saying that positive thoughts are more powerful is a feminist lie), meaning that you won’t get anywhere by being calm and wishing for something day after day without ripping your hair out in frustration when your wishes don’t come true right away. If you gotta wish for something, you gotta wish REAL HARD, or else it just won’t work!  In fact, it’s even in the Bible:
Luke 11:9:”And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you”
In my experience, this works. You just have to keep asking and asking and banging on that door, and sooner or later the Divine Creator/the Universe will get so tired of your whining they will be worn down and give you what you want just to shut you up. This is how the LoA really works.
The best emotions and thoughts to use are either deep depression or seething anger, but anger is rather more enthusiastic than depression, and thus more energetic. If you can’t get a girlfriend, you can in fact make one by wishing really hard for it and being depressed and angry about it every day. It’s not easy, but it does work.  I’m not sure about the details, but it works kinda like the creation of those scary midgets in the movie “The Brood”, where this woman used her psyche to manifest “children” who killed everyone she was angry at, without her knowledge.
And if it didn’t work for you, sorry, you just didn’t wish hard enough.
It’s important to note that the girlfriend you create might end up pretty, relatively normal and nice, like me, but there is no guarantee for that. The appearance and manners of your newly created girlfriend will reflect your own inner beauty and history of your behavior. If you have issues, your issues will end up written all over her, literally.
If you ever cheated on anyone, your girl will look like a slut and act like one.
If you are a greedy bastard, she will be morbidly obese.
If you are a sociopath, she will be as hideous as Quasimodo, but since you’re a sociopath, you should have no trouble attracting women anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
The character of your girlfriend will resemble that of your favorite animal. If you like cats, she’ll be a tiger in bed. If you like dogs, she’ll stay by your side. If you like bears, well, you are pretty much on your own for that.
______________
*:It doesn’t help to lie to me about being nice if you’re naughty, cuz he’s making a list, and checking it twice, he’s gonna find out if you’re naughty or nice, and if he finds out you lied, he’ll come up to your bed at night and suck your eyes out.
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14 Responses to The Law of Attraction Really Works

  1. Eivind Berge says:

    LOL! It's kind of frustrating to me that some people think you are imaginary, but you might as well have some fun with it. Good luck with your new blog. 🙂

  2. Emma says:

    Thank you! 😀

  3. Anonymous says:

    LOL
    Can you let Santa know I want a Subaru, a hot ranger man, and a chocolate milkshake? I been extra good 8D

    What happens if your favorite animal is a Platypus?

  4. Dikkeworst says:

    Nobody thinks you´re his imaginary girlfriend. They´re just trying to get under your skin. Don´t respond to them.

  5. Emma says:

    Anonymous,
    Ok 🙂
    And if your favorite animal is a platypus, you will get a girlfriend with a bizarre and outwardly confusing personality.

  6. Emma says:

    Dikkeworst,
    Thanks for the support, I know most readers know I'm not something he made up. I think only one person still thinks that (unless they are just a troll), so it doesn't bother me. But writing nonsense is fun 🙂

  7. Tina says:

    You said on Eivind's blog that you don't know much about feminism, yet you bash it on your blog?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Tina: To me it sounds less like she's bashing feminism and more like she's mocking Eivind's writing style! In Eivind's paranoid mind, everything he disagrees with is “a feminist lie”.

    I think it's pretty obvious that neither Emma nor Eivind know much about feminism. However, I also don't think it's very fruitful to discuss this here, as Emma's made it very clear that this blog is just for her whimsical musings (and perhaps to prove that she exists).

  9. Emma says:

    Heh, he doesn't call everything he disagrees with a feminist lie (although I gotta admit the phrase is catchy), just the things he considers actual lies, made by feminists.

  10. marellus says:

    Are you sure about negative thoughts ? Sometimes a feeling of surrender is also powerful.

  11. Emma says:

    Marellus,
    Sorry about the late response… Since this post is a joke, I'll now speak more seriously. I think it depends on what you want to achieve. Sometimes you have to surrender, and sometimes negative feelings with help you. Their use is limited, but so is the use of positive emotions. You just have to know when to use which. But chronic negative feelings are also bad for your health, so I don't usually use them to achieve anything that often. But in my experience, repressing bad feelings is even more unhealthy than obvious anger.

  12. Universal Law of the Jinx
    A jinx, in popular superstition and folklore, is:

    • A sort of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to large numbers of minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck;
    • A person afflicted with a similar curse, who, while not directly subject to a series of misfortunes, seems to attract them to anyone in his general area.
    • An object that brings bad luck.
    • A common slang term used when two people say the same thing at the same time (said as a game amongst the young).

    The superstition is also used when talking about a future event with too much confidence. A statement like “We're sure to win the contest!” can be seen as a jinx by tempting fate. After such a statement, failure would be ironic. For the human mind, the irony makes it all the more likely. This therefore brings bad luck: it is a “jinx”. The event itself is referred to as “jinxed”.

    The Law of Attraction is diametrically opposed, and inversely proportional, to the Law of the Jinx. Thus they cancel one another out.

  13. Emma says:

    Actually, the Law of Jinx and the Law of Attraction won't necessarily cancel each other out if you avoid talking about future events in a positive manner. Law of Attraction says you can attract good things to you by merely thinking about them, or feeling good feelings, you don't have to say them out loud. You know why the Law of Jinx even works? Little invisible demons live in the unrevealed world, listening to everything you say. They can't read your mind though. If they find out you are overy positive about something, they will do everything in their power to spoil your plans.

  14. MK says:

    Interesting post. I think the Law of Attraction is a useful concept but not applied in isolation. It requires a framework to be harnessed from wishful thinking to reality. That framework is best summarized in Napoleon Hill's Law of Success. Here is my twitter like summary of each point:
    http://manfortheages.com/napoleon-hill-law-of-success-summary/

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