HATE

I had a long talk with a commenter named Kazan. I said that feelings are not under our control and thus neither morally right nor wrong. This is what I got as a response:

“Feelings are mallable, although not at our immediate command. It is possible to reflect about one’s feelings, and have different attitudes towards one’s feelings – I might for example feel schadenfreude at somebody’s misfortune, but recognize this emotion as undesirable. We have attitudes to our feelings, some we desire, some we feel ashamed by. By reflecting on our emotions we form them. Thus feelings are linked to what we think and believe. Feelings do not come from nowhere, flying in the wind like spores that attach themselves to us randomly, they express character and opinions, and we do take part in the formation of our own character. As you yourself described by the thought process you recommended in the “hypergamy” thread”

It makes sense. I still don’t condemn feelings, but how we deal with them is an action, which could be judged. I realize that I’m for both strong effort to change feelings AND against repression of feelings.

On one side, I hate attempts to repress my feelings. I tried that as a kid and get rid of any negative feelings, which lead to a buildup of nastyness, which I let out at 15 and was really nasty for a while. It got better and I became a genuinely better person (not a fake pretend one) after a couple of years, through experiencing love and by conscious effort.

On the other hand, I don’t like mindless lack of control over yourself, or never trying to make yourself into a better person. I guess I see some feelings as worth getting rid of (hypergamy, because it’s an obstacle to happiness) and some as worth accepting (hate).

One of the things I noticed when I moved from Russia to Norway was how much nicer everyone was. People smile. Teachers don’t scream at you. It was great, and I’m pretty happy about those things, except after a while I noticed the dark side of it. Weirdness, anger or unhappiness was less allowed. It wasn’t just me, my mother also noticed it. She always had work while in Russia and couldn’t get one here for 10 years, and was mostly blamed for it and later for her dissatisfaction with the way she’s been treated.  Why can’t people be positive and not think you’re crazy/to blame for it because you’re weird, sad or angry about something?

That leads me to the main point – hate is a very underrated beautiful thing.  Everyone recognizes the beauty of love, but few people know how to appreciate good hate andthey  shun it like it was a shameful feeling. But think about it – there are things in the world worth hating, just like there are things worth loving. And this positivity cult is one of the former.

Hate is a thing worth keeping especially in a place where negative feelings are seen as a pathology.

The only thing you have to be careful about is not to hate pointlessly and not to let it hurt you. If you’re gonna be a good hater, hate joyously and hate those who deserve it. Roissy is not exactly someone people would call a hater, but he’s got some great joyous hating skills.

Maybe you don’t want to be a hater, but you might be one of those people who wants to say a loud fuck you to those who think any negative feeling or dissatisfaction is a sign of mental illness, evilness or is “unhealthy”. Accepting negativity has been the healthiest thing I’ve done in my teens, and it even brought me more respect, not to mention made me into a much better person later.

 

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13 Responses to HATE

  1. bob says:

    This is some cool stuff. Some things really do deserve hatred. It is very hard not to get consumed, though.

  2. Samuel says:

    It is good to be genuine, but not so good to be a genuine monster.

    I think its best to hate wrongdoing, but not so much people. Sure, people can irritate us, or worse, but freely hating is a poor response in many cases, and often brings a poor result. It’s how we express our darker side, that defines us. I agree that pretending there is no darkside is lame as hell and unrealistic.

    I feel that it requires a distinct energy to ‘hate’. and I rarely find that to be energy worth spending. I’d rather spend my life-force on what pleases me, than on what doesn’t.

    • Emma the Emo says:

      I think it’s hard to ever become a good person unless you first go through all your monstrocity and be ok with it for a while. Not to mention hate is not a monstrous feeling at all, unless you do it wrong and let it get out of control. But even love can make you do horrible stupid things, so I won’t single out hate as that one monstrous emotion.

      I agree hating random people is kinda pointless even if you find them irritating.
      Contempt is probably a lighter and more amusing version of hate for that occasion.
      I also think joyous hate is not for everyone, and it seems to be in agreement with your saying that “it requires a distinct energy to hate”. I think I have it, and really need to spend it somewhere. If I’m gonna spend it, I better do it on something that warrants it, not on innocent, although irritating people.

    • Emma the Emo says:

      Hmm, need to correct something.
      “I think it’s hard to ever become a good person unless you first go through all your monstrocity and be ok with it for a while.”
      I don’t think it’s good to go through your bad traits by indulging in them. Just knowing they are there, and being tolerant of them is fine. Then you know they are there, and what you’re dealing with.

  3. Firepower says:

    um, YOU are russian trapped in Norway
    you are supposed to be repressed.
    Now, if you were norweegian trap in russia
    you would be expect to sweat wodka and do polka all day
    you are steppe girl – not fjord
    Recall Norway Legend of Umlat Nyylffsgjarden
    andkeep that famous russki-norway sense of humour we so love

  4. Lele says:

    So you have Russian roots. That explains why you have some wisdom when it comes to relationships between men and women.

    Being trapped for life in a smiling happy film from the fifties? Not for me. Relationships mean confrontations, too. And we better know our dark side if we want to keep it under control.

    I’ve never considered people to be friends of mine unless we have fought at least once. When you lose your temper you show your true colors, and when you fight verbally with someone, you show what you really think of them.

    Maybe every human society copes with such interpersonal tensions in a different way. I’ve read that in certain South Est Asian cultures, displaying your feelings is considered bad manners. So, you could have had it worst than in Norway 😉

    • Emma the Emo says:

      I guess this is exactly the feeling I’ve been having – people I hang out with aren’t my friends, since all I’ve ever seen from them is smiles, I don’t know what goes on underneath. But it’s ok too, since I have enough real friends already.

      Confrontations in friendships are surprisingly not offensive to me and don’t degrade the friendship. Sometimes friends even get mad and say things they don’t mean, and get vicious because something personal bothers them a lot, but it won’t offend me.

      Glad I don’t live in South East Asia 😀

  5. drohan_j@yahoo.com says:

    Hate can be channelled into positive action. Wise people say change what you can change, accept what you can’t and be wise enough to know the difference between the two.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Good advice 🙂 The last part is especially hard to learn. But better to overtry and not try, or you won’t know what you can change and what you can’t.

  6. John Tyson says:

    “But think about it – there are things in the world worth hating, just like there are things worth loving. And this positivity cult is one of the former.” Well said, I have to remember that one.

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