Fat acceptance: bad or good?

Ok, first of all, I’m kinda for fat acceptance. If someone chooses to be fat, it’s their choice, everyone can  f*ck off. A person can also choose to tattoo themselves all over, have a hundred piercings in their face, be a scientologist, attempt to sky dive and do other things you find dangerous, repulsive or something you just can’t agree with, but that is their life, not yours. On the other hand, I feel fat acceptance is being polluted by lies and attempts to regulate what others think. I mean, if you tattoo your face, you will get reactions. Some people might find you unattractive and refuse to date you. That’s THEIR life, their choice.

So here is the article that to me, sums up what I hate about fat acceptance of today:


Woman marries, gets fat, husband tries to bring attention to it by joking about it (not the best way I know), and then pretty much says it’s not okay. Wife doesn’t think losing weight would help their marriage.

“”You want people to think you’re walking into a room with a beautiful woman?” He nodded. “They do,” I said. I realized then that losing weight would not add fat to the marriage.”

Then it’s not clear from the article when she loses weight, but then they become divorced (it doesn’t say who did it). She goes through 16 months of therapy to restore her self-esteem.

Now, we only hear her side of the story, so I wouldn’t conclude anything, but it was the comments that are the best part of it.

“Nothing wrong with being in shape, but if you really love someone it’s not all about shape. It sounds like the author’s husband was too shallow/surface to appreciate her.”

“Wow, so I have to applaud you for writing something so personal, but after reading some of these comments I realize even more why people don’t write about their own weight or appearance issues. Obviously not having to look you in the eye and make the comments makes these comments easier to say. I think more people have self esteem issues than would like to admit and so take their anger out on someone who wrote a really honest article.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry you had to listen to that garbage! Guys who talk like that to their wives are scum, and don’t deserve you. What’s wrong with these guys who want their wives to look like kids?”

We can love someone out of shape, but will we be attracted to them? A lot of people aren’t attracted to fatness. If they marry a fit person, this is what they sign up for, they don’t sign up for you letting yourself go. I would argue it is disrespectful to let yourself go in a marriage. This person you are with are only allowed to have sex with you – it’s a rather major sacrifice. They could be with someone who cares about them more, but they are with YOU. So not keeping yourself in the best shape is uncaring and disrespectful.

“But what if you get cancer and lose your hair?” someone asked. The answer was “you choose fat, you don’t choose cancer”. Yes, there are people who are fat due to gland problems, but it’s not the majority. Usually, something can be done about the fat, which, instead of making everyone feel offended, should make them feel better – these things are more within your reach than you think.

Great comment that brings up some great points:

“I would all believe this article if I did not see women wearing construction boots under summery outfits every time I went out recently.

My point is that when your lifetime partner tells you what he prefers to see on you it is a cardinal sin, but when other women stick their head to a turkey and walk around, it is fashion, it is time to shop for a turquoise turkey.

Is the author really sure she is genuinely looking at her true self or she just replaced her husband with shopping windows?”

If you’re finally throwing off the oppressive taste of your significant other or whatever, at least don’t run under the next oppressive rule, or else you’re a hypocrite (not to mention it’s kind of embarrassing to care more about strangers taste than your SO’s). Plus if you care what other women think, but get offended when your husband is embarrassed to be seen with your fat self, be a little more understanding.

In the end, what you do is your choice. Getting fat is okay. Choosing to date fat people is okay. Choosing to date only thin people is okay. But same applies to other people, so don’t get pissed off when they use their freedom of choice.


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7 Responses to Fat acceptance: bad or good?

  1. Clarence says:

    True, up to a point.
    Somewhere around 10 to 50 pound (50 pound US is roughly 22 Kilos) weight gain, I could still probably “get it up”.
    Is it my fault if I can’t at some point after that?
    I suppose “opening the marriage up” to other lovers is an option if you can talk to your partner about this. Often women and men who “let themselves go” are either depressed (and have no desire for sex) or are no longer attracted to their partners anyway, so don’t care if their partners are attracted to them.

    • emmatheemo says:

      I’m not sure becoming fat is mostly due to depression.. or else more than half of all americans would be depressed (unless they are?). Oh, and maybe I just watch too many makeover programs, but many women who let themselves go blame kids/work and having to spend time on everything but themselves. They didn’t make their looks a priority.

      And no, obviously you shouldn’t be blamed for not being attracted to someone who gained a lot of weight – this is my point.

  2. MeMe says:

    I agree. Except for one important detail: 90% of fat women hate being fat but don’t know what to do about it, The idea that women all of a sudden don’t care that there husband’s find them repulsive is nonsense. Most of the advice about dieting and losing fat is terrible. If you eat the recommended food pyramid diet (here in America), you will probably be fatter then you’d like. It’s not fat people’s fault that government basically gives them really shitty advice (plz excuse my cursing).

  3. Wudang says:

    “Often women and men who “let themselves go” are either depressed”

    If they are not already they will be. Food has huge effects on mental health. There is ton of science showing that and personal experience backs it up. If I go for days eating almost only junk food I start feeling like shit. If that was my permanent diet I am sure I would be clinically depressed. The guy that made the Super Size Me movie got deeply depressed after some weeks of only eating at McDonalds and could`t perform properly in bed anymore. Something like 27% of young american women and 20% of young american men either are depressed, has an anxiety disorder or some sort of other mental disturbance. THe thing is once you get yourself out of the 27% you are still very close to it. Even if you are not clinically depressed you can still be really down and low energy a lot of the time. Even if you don`t qualify for an anxiety disorder you can still be very plagued by anxiousness and insecurity. So I think it is fair to say 50%+ of the US population are far from being happy campers. I guess europe is lagging somewhere behind this but pretty close. There are many reasons for this but diet is a big one. Certainly what americans eat is just plain insane.

    I like your blog and commentary on other blogs Emma. You are very thoughtful and insightful. I´ve observed that you think things through thoroughly before you form an opinion and you question very openly. Then you come down on something that has been very well digested and that is always balanced and wise.

    • Emma the Emo says:

      Thanks very much, Wudang.
      I heard of food making one depressed, although I haven’t experienced huge differences myself. However, I do feel unhealthy and bad if I stop exercising or eating well, but I think it is because I feel I should be doing those things (nocebo effect?..).

  4. Kazan says:

    If you are really talking about love, then weight does not matter. We will all grow old, and wrinkled- Amor Vincit Omnia – love conquers all. My lifepartner died of a disease that ravages the body – you embrace a skeleton with the trace of your beloved’s features, but you still love. Fat or bones, love is a different ballgame than “attractiveness”.

    • emmatheemo says:

      I’m sorry about your partner. And there is nothing I can disagree with. However, there is a difference between losing one’s looks due to something uncontrollable and simply letting yourself go. I think it’s an important distinction and to avoid misunderstandings, I will talk about it. An ill person can’t help looking ill. A healthy person who doesn’t take care of themselves is putting unnecessary strain on the relationship – it is about both respect and attractiveness.
      Being hard on a partner who is ill is cruel and inhumane. Being a little hard on someone who lets themselves go is a necessity (well… my “being a little hard on them” I mean motivating them in the right direction). If my partner got obese by letting themselves go, of course I wouldn’t stop loving them, but I would try to “help them find their best self again” so to speak. Even if just for their health.

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