”I’m just being brutally honest”

This is gonna be a rant. This is something that personally frustrates me.

Every time someone says “I’m just being brutally honest”, I want to respond “No, you’re a cunt”.

Because this is what it usually boils down to.

What happens is that they present arguments (sometimes valuable, and sometimes not), coated in personal insults of those they are addressing. That predictably offends the conversation partner (CP). The “brutally honest” person (BHP) calls CP “thin-skinned”, “feminine” or “defensive” for not being able to distill the actual message from the offensive mess they presented them with.

“He’s just being thin-skinned! I should be able to dish it out and not have to take it, when people don’t like my tone. Why am I banned?!”

“He’s being defensive! It means he doesn’t want to discuss the actual topic I presented. If he was serious about the topic, he wouldn’t get offended at all. ”

“He’s being feminine! Why doesn’t he just play by MY rules? My brutally honest discussion style is the only valid style, his is the style of an oversensitive wussy, men don’t talk like that”.

AARRRRGGHHHHHHHHH

Why do people think like that at all? Let ME be brutally honest for BHPs:

1)Being a cunt and being honest are two completely different things. I don’t understand why some people confuse these two. You can be honest and polite at the same time. This might still get people offended, but at least then you know you aren’t to blame for that.

2)If you have trouble convincing your CP of your point of view using “brutal honesty”, it’s no one’s problem but yours. Your CP is not obligated to play by your rules. Some people are very good at listening to everyone and understanding the message, even when it’s rolled up in various emotions, but not everyone.  If they find your conversation style unacceptable, you can either change it or continue to meet the wall of non-understanding. Shaming them (“defensive/feminine/thin-skinned”) will gain you nothing.

3)If you dilute your message with personal attacks (even subtle ones), CP becoming defensive doesn’t mean you’re right, “hit the mark” with your words or won the argument. It means you bruised their ego, and the discussion quality is now a notch lower.

4)Honesty is valuable, but not everyone that can be said, should be said. You wouldn’t tell the person sitting next to you on the bus how pleasant your last trip to the toilet was. You wouldn’t tell your partner every little thing that bothers you about them, when it isn’t a big deal. You wouldn’t betray a secret. And when arguing, you could practice some emotional restraint also.

There.

I do think we should all be more thick-skinned and not let people like that have their rent-free space in our heads. I’m not arguing for a society where everyone is super nice and sensitive in fear of offending someone. But I will not for a moment accept cuntery masquerading as honesty. It’s one more lie in life that needs to disappear.

P.S.: Some of the people who have been obnoxious BHPs are actually someone I can otherwise respect. The video above explains how it usually goes.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to ”I’m just being brutally honest”

  1. Clarence says:

    Emma:
    I’m in agreement. I was always taught that sugar “helps the medicine go down”, and while I can dish it out if I need to, I don’t start out with attacks.

    Many manospherian blogs are rough and rude places. This makes them valuable for discussion sometimes, but when the insults start flying for no purpose it makes it hard to stick around to understand an argument.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Same here. I see no reason to start with attacks. I also don’t really mind the manosphere blogs being rude places. However, what drives me up the wall is when someone is being a dick, yet pretends to be doing something else.

      • Clarence says:

        Emma:
        Then there’s also the way women are treated on some blogs as compared to men. It’s obvious on many places like PMAFT and The Spearhead that some male commenters can’t respond to a woman poster without slinging some insults her way, insults that are often tolerated by the blogs owner. In short, if you are a woman then to quite a few in the manosphere that makes you stupid, dishonest, or worse.

        That being said, almost all the manosphere blogs (with a few exceptions) at least let you defend yourself from jerks and the occasional “judgybitch”. You should do an experiment and try pretending to be a male with some MRA sympathies on some of the feminist blogs like Feministe. It will be open season to attack you and you will be banned if you fight back. You will also almost never get a useful answer buried in insults (which, as you point out you often get in the manosphere) – instead you’ll usually just get the insults and no answer at all. I bet it’s still much better to be a female dissenter in the manosphere (and I know you are not always a dissenter but you sometimes play that role) than a male dissenter in feminist, or heck lots of traditionally female places. I’m hopeful you’ll try my experiment and see for yourself.

      • John says:

        This seems to be a powerful trait of human beings, and no doubt other species as well. The art of deception.

        Truth effectively is nothing more than shining a light on that which is camouflaged, hidden, and foggy to the eye.

        While some peoples deceiving behavior may be easy to spot it seems to me that ALL humans, including me, are continually exercising our deceptive capacities. Psychology is predicated on all our day to day behavior having underlying and ultimate reasons, as opposed to our our own very limited understanding of our own motivations.

        The only question of real importance in this world is, “what is human nature?” All of the ideas and philosophies of the ages are predicated on a belief in what it is to be human.

        NB: It is very likely that the ULTIMATE reason that I posted here was to “act like I’m clever”. It is also quite likely that I did it to impress you dear maiden 😉

      • emmatheemo says:

        Haha, I think it’s called acting 🙂 People need to put on a face, to be in public.

        And it’s very interesting to attempt to find out why we do this or that, our real motivations. I think it’s something any human being should try to make a habit of, as it uncovers our rationalizations and lies we feed to ourselves.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s