It came to me from several sources.
When I was 15, a guy of the same age liked me, and asked for sex. I liked him back, but wasn’t ready for that. I was very conflicted, and it hurt me a lot that I couldn’t do it for him. I just didn’t want sex with anyone yet. Also, looking back on this, it was silly to even worry about this. We permanently lived in different countries, and I wouldn’t come back to see him until next year. Yet it seems both of us thought there could be a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. To make the decision, I asked some female friends and my parents. A female friend, who was 13, talked about sex with her boyfriend enthusiastically, and said it wasn’t such a big deal, so I should do it.
My parents, being as far from traditional as possible, said it was no big deal and allowed me. While not feminists, they are very different from me: very social, enviable and extraverted. They even said not having sex is actually bad for human health, and eventually I should do it. As a result, I said yes to the guy, but then a day before the meeting, I had to say no. He was disappointed, and we didn’t speak again.
Sex positive feminists
Just read another essay from the Yes Means Yes book, written by Heather Corinna. It goes along the lines of “Wouldn’t it be nice if girls were reared with an absolute that women experience, initiate, and pursue desire, and that it is completely acceptable to do so with great enthusiasm?” She also imagines a world where women initiate sex as often as men, because “old masculinity roles are done away with” and the expression “getting lucky” makes no sense anymore. She finishes the description of that fantasy by saying sex should be optional and not mandatory, yet to make women, as a group, act like men, you pretty much have to apply some force. That way, feminists will always conveniently have a boogeyman to fight. When things are allowed to go on freely, men have to be, on average, the initiators, and feminists can complain about masculinity roles, and that women are still repressed.
Well, I was reared pretty much in Heather Corinna’s ideal world, and it did me no good. I thought girls were already very liberated, and sex was no big deal. But to me, it was a big deal. I felt like there was something wrong with me, for not wanting to fuck as easily as girls my age and women in movies.
Some MRAs and PUAs
PUAs want women to give it up as easy and often as possible. Often, they overlap with MRAs. It seems a lot of MRAs are actually rather conservative and slut-shame profusely, but some do the opposite. One even said that if being too much of a slut in the evolutionary past was harmful to women, it is not so anymore. So if women still feel psychological pain from being too slutty, it’s just maladaptive psychology, and hopefully society and trans-humanism will fix that in the future.
Apart from my parents, none of these people had my interests in mind. Or the interests of teenage girls. Boys and men obviously want them to be more open to sex, so they could get more sex with attractive teenage girls. Going as far as saying you’re defective if you like to think before you fuck and show careful pickiness. And feminists want to prove their ideology is correct, in which they are personally invested.
It would have helped me in my teen years, if someone told me the sexes are naturally different and those behaviors we evolved are there for a reason. That hoping to have a relationship with a guy who lives in a different country is moronic, and that I’m not a bad person for not giving it up left and right. But oh well – despite lack of good information, I still didn’t turn into a slut, despite attempting several times. I sensed that this activity would hurt me, and my instincts stopped me.
So I hope one day evolutionary psychology is used to explain to teenagers why things are the way they are, so we don’t get confused and agonize over simple things. I also hope girls and women don’t fall under pressure to become a slut, and treat sex like they treat eating ice cream, and feel defective when sex a big deal and it’s a relationship they really want.