Recently there has been a fun discussion at the Red Pill Woman subreddit (http://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1iebt3/red_pill_philosophy_feels_a_bit_hopeless_to/ ). There, a commenter said this:
“My incentive to continue maturing is to be an independent and successful person. I never want to rely on anyone for my happiness and comfort although I would love to someday join up with another independent man to start a family. And in order to start that family successfully and be a good mother I would need to be mature, so yes I have plenty of incentive to continue my personal growth.”
She also added that she has great expectations about her future career, and wanted to love a man who was her equal. I think these goals are unrealistic and give you neither love, nor self-sufficiency.
First, I think love and emotional self-sufficiency are mutually exclusive. Through personal experience, I discovered that self-sufficiency and love in general do not mix. If you are self-sufficient, you essentially don’t care so much about others, and won’t be hurt if they are gone or in trouble. But when you truly love, their happiness is important for your own, and you aren’t enough for your own happiness anymore. Some people claim to love others without being hurt when they are hurt. They are usually the new agey types who claim to love all living things, or religious and claim to love everyone like they love their family. I don’t in general believe these people truly love everyone as much as they say. But I do believe they are convinced of it, and could even engage in self-destructive stuff for a while, to prove it. But then, some people are convinced positive thoughts have cured their cancer. It doesn’t make it so.
Second, I don’t think diving into career means you don’t depend on anyone for your happiness and comfort. A career does not happen in a vacuum. It’s a social thing. It depends on your employer, or your clients if you’re your own boss. If you’re after prestige, your reputation definitely depends on the opinion of many people. Therefore, being into career makes you depend on other people for happiness and comfort.
And so I don’t think love is any more dangerous to self-sufficiency than career. Both certainly take a huge chunk out of it. But the only way to be emotionally self-sufficient is to have and want nothing. To live like a Buddhist monk or a hermit in the woods. The more you have, the more you can lose, the less you are happy with just yourself, decent food and OK shelter. Self-sufficiency is great, but I choose love.