I recently read Matt Forney’s ”The Case Against Female Self-Esteem” (http://mattforney.com/2013/09/16/the-case-against-female-self-esteem/ ). In short, he says female vulnerability is sexy and female confidence is not:
“Whenever a girl I’m talking to brags about how she’s “confident” and “strong,” I can feel my dick deflating like a punctured tire. I’d still bang her, of course; a repellent personality doesn’t negate the fact that she has a slammin’ body. But a crucial part of the attraction is lost. “
“I was thinking about a couple of my past relationships when I had this epiphany; the girls I’ve loved the most were the ones who were the most insecure, the most emotionally vulnerable. When I first went on a date with the only girl I would have ever married, her hands were trembling in nervousness. She later admitted that she was openly intimidated by me and the idea that I found her attractive.”
“If a girl needs me, feels that her life would end if she were to lose me, I’m doubly inspired to be there for her, to shield her from the cruelty of the world. Frankly, it’s pretty hot. If she just wants me, could take me or leave me, my gut response is one of apathy. “Yeah, whatever babe.”
Confidence doesn’t give men erections; vulnerability does.”
Since I feel something similar about men, I can kind of understand where he’s coming from. He’s turned off by “stong, independent” women and I’m turned off by men who put their mission ahead of me. “Yeah, whatever babe” is the perfect response. Although I would instead say “Good for you”, because men who pedestalize their mission have lots of hot groupies, so they don’t need me.
Here is someone who disagrees with Matt Forney’s analysis: http://moemurray.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/forney-on-female-self-esteem/
“When a girl tells Matt that she’s confident, what she’s revealing is that she is in fact insecure. So if Matt likes insecure girls, why doesn’t he like it when a girl tells him she’s confident?”
“1. Matt in fact likes confident girls not insecure girls, but he doesn’t realize this.
2. The fact that an insecure girl would go around saying she is confident is a sign of other problems, particularly poor social skills.
It’s a bit of both, but what’s really going is that Matt likes hot girls. And hot girls have learned that their beauty is power. They are thus (watch the hands, Matt) confident in their ability to use their beauty to their advantage. They are confident in the truest sense: repeated success has led them to trust their beauty to get them what they want.”
He has a point, but I don’t think he’s entirely right. First, he’s likely correct that Matt likes hot girls. An ugly girl is not gonna turn him on, no matter how vulnerable she is. However, a hot girl will either turn less hot or more hot in his eyes, depending on her vulnerability.
Second, he is also correct that SOME women who say they are confident, are likely super-insecure. If you were confident, you wouldn’t talk about it, would you? Moemurray is right that hot girls get to experience power that’s difficult to avoid noticing. But he forgets that the vulnerable girl in Matt’s example is a former fat girl. That girl still doesn’t know her power, and that is a part of her charm.
Third, I think vulnerability and insecurity are different things. I will agree that the former fat girl is still more confident than the insecure girl who insists she is confident. Yet the former fat girl is still the more vulnerable of the two. The former fat girl is far from confident, but she either hasn’t been hurt too much by people destroying her trust, or she is just that trusting to you (both very adorable qualities btw). Yet her trust and openness leave her more open to attack by bad, lying people. Doesn’t that just inspire protective feelings and the desire to not be a bad, lying person?
The insecure girl who insists she’s confident has been hurt, and doesn’t trust anyone anymore. She doesn’t dare open up because it’s a major sore point. She has a wall around her and will strike out at anyone trying anything, or hinting at it. Let me illustrate the difference between the girls in cat videos (just cuz I want to):
Moemurray makes another good point about hot women:
“They get all the same propaganda about being strong independent women as the average and unattractive women, but it’s too easy for them to succeed as soft, co-dependent women. For an average girl, it’s not so easy. Thus such girls don’t have the confidence (there’s that word again) to buck the system. If a man isn’t born with the strength and drive to carve out his own path in the world, he’ll do more or less what the people in charge suggest. The same goes for women.”
I agree the majority of women who fall for feminist ideals are just not independent/confident enough or smart enough to resist it on their own (and that goes for men too). It would be wrong to say you like insecure trusting girls, when most of these are trying to be the feminist ideal of “strong and confident”. However, ability to resist feminist propaganda does not have to imply hotness or confidence. First, confidence in sexual attractiveness doesn’t necessarily translate into ability to resists social pressures. Second, the ability to resist could mean the person is simply incapable of faking a whole personality, and can’t help but be their cute vulnerable self. Imagine that: a person who sucks so badly at acting that they can’t even blend in with the rest of society and thus hide from haters. What’s more vulnerable than that?
So I would conclude that Matt Forney likely is turned on by vulnerability expressed by being naturally open and trusting. She needs to have a basic level of confidence (so she is not like cat number two), yet she still shouldn’t be very confident.
I wonder what the rest of the men think?