Memento mori

”Men just date younger women because they want to avoid their own mortality”.

This is a shaming technique. Yet when reading blogs around the ‘sphere, I can’t help but see there is a tiny bit of truth in it. During this blogpost, I will explain why it’s partially correct. There are only two places where this phrase is wrong:

1)      The MAIN reason why men want younger women is their hotness compared to older women.

2)      Women want to avoid their mortality too and aren’t immune to this type of thinking.

The manosphere blogs, especially those focusing on maximizing SMV and sexual&romantic success, are very youth-focused. One commenter or another will tell you they look younger than they are. If it’s a woman, they will say it helps them avoid the wall longer. If it’s a man, they’ll say it allows them to fuck younger women.

Actually, men need not worry about their age at all, apparently, since their SMV only increases into their late 20s and even 30s, and the wall can be indefinitely postponed by a man’s own efforts. There is never a time a man can say his time was horribly and irretrievably wasted. A woman, on the other hand, can. If a man wastes his 20s, he can improve in his 30s. If a woman wastes her 20s, she’s done for.

But when you look at the big picture, it’s only half-true. We only spend 70-100 years alive, and the rest of the time we’re dead. The online newspapers tell us our 20s are actually very important and defining for our lives, so we shouldn’t waste them. The newspapers don’t go far enough – your 70s are of outmost importance compared to all those millions of years when you won’t be alive! Wasted 20s is wasted 20s, no matter who you are. It’s 10 years of your very finite life.

By looking into this part of the manopsphere, you might think men have all the time in the world. The truth is, people don’t have all the time in the world. They really shouldn’t hope that a late SMV peak or a late wall is gonna save them from wasting their time on trivialities. Even if you peak/hit the wall 20 years later than someone else, you’ll both die anyway. A later wall will only allow an arrogant fool to waste more time than they would otherwise have wasted.

A woman should not waste her time because her prime beauty years come early and go fast. And a man should not waste his time because his life expectancy is shorter.  A woman would be a fool to say: “I will live longer than a man, so it’s more ok for me to waste my 20s than it is for a man”. A man would be a fool to say: “I have a later peak/wall than a woman, so it’s more ok for me to waste my 20s than it is for a woman”. It’s never ok to waste your 20s. Or your 40s. Or 60s. Especially not ok to justify it, by saying the other gender has it worse. It doesn’t matter how much worse they have it, it won’t return your wasted time back. Ok, ok, if it makes you feel better, point at the opposite sex and laugh a little, but only for inner peace it brings you. Do not actually internalize those soothing pretty lies.

And this is why the old shaming technique is partially right. Postponed wall (looking young for women, game for men) and dating young people fools us into thinking we have all the time in the world. Thinking we have all the time in the world is pretty much the definition of thinking one’s immortal. Therefore, appearances of youth gives us “an escape” from death.

So, what is the moral of this story? Did I write this to depress everyone and make them mourn the years they have wasted? No. Mourning your years would be a waste of your current years, so don’t do it! I wrote this to remind people to make use of the Now, to remember not to waste their valuable time of stupid crap, and to live their life in such a way that they don’t regret it on their deathbed.

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18 Responses to Memento mori

  1. Liz says:

    Well said, Emma.
    No one should waste his/her life. And everyone gets old, and everyone dies. Both women and men lie to themselves.

    If you’re over forty (male or female) and spend your life at bars/clubs trying to pick up anyone (male or female) you are just sad. No one thinks “there’s a cool old dude hanging out at the bar. Wish I was over 40 and trying to pick up women too!” Just as no one thinks “wow, that 40 something chick trying to pick up men at the bar is really hot. Wish I was like that”.

    • emmatheemo says:

      I think the problem PUA guys face is their own desire for meaningful relationships with someone (or meaning in general). Fun and games are fun for a while (even a long while), but they end up feeling empty when you do them for long enough. Humans have this strange desire to add meaning to their lives, rather than play all day. So in the end, I would expect many of these guys to face the hedonistic treadmill, and either have a LTR, kids, marriage, or even religion.

  2. Eric says:

    I’ve been toying with a theory lately along similar lines. In cultures where sexuality is celebrated rather than suppressed and cartelized, women seem to age more slowly. It seems for that the reason for this is a woman’s SMV puts an obligation on her to compete with younger women. Even a married 32 y/o (for example) is aware that the 16 y/o single competition can be a temptation for a man; hence she’s under the necessity of not letting herself ‘hit the wall’ at an early age.

    Rookh wrote an interesting article awhile back, while it is about female obesity, it applies to this topic as well:

    • emmatheemo says:

      Interesting. It makes sense – if we didn’t have a “everything is rape” culture, 16 year olds could be a threat. Or just prostitutes. Then, hitting the wall really wouldn’t be an option, lol.

  3. :-p says:

    “If a woman wastes her 20s, she’s done for.”

    That is correct. Look at Britney Spears.
    A 30+ woman cannot compare to a 40+ year old Jimmy Bond.

  4. Jen says:

    “Men just date younger women because they want to avoid their own mortality.”
    I see this as an attempt to explain the behavior, not a shaming technique. It is similar to saying, “Sluts are women with very low self esteem.” It is an attempt to explain the behavior.
    A 40-year old man hitting on a 21-year old woman is generally considered creepy or pathetic by the younger female. Yes, there are examples of men who marry much younger women, but this is the exception in societies where women have free will to choose their mates. This is a subject that gets the male rationalization hamster spinning, though. I guess men and women like to tell themselves those”pretty lies”, as you say.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Hmm, isn’t the man, on average, 2-4 years older than the woman in Western couples? Granted, it’s not like a 10 year difference, but I do think that older men and younger women mix relatively well. Bigger age differences are rarer, and require the man to have something special about him. An older guy is not hotter just because he’s older, his attractiveness usually comes with all the things he accomplished and wisdom he acquired. If those are missing, he won’t be much popular with any 20-something ladies.

      And I think it’s true that below a certain age, women often can’t picture themselves with a man much older than them. When I was 17, I thought 27 was ancient, but now (I’m 25) my limit is 50-60.

      • Jen says:

        Yes, I am talking about age spans of 10+ years. I think there is sometimes confusion between a young woman admiring an older man because of his knowledge and accomplishments and actually being attracted to an older man. You generally do not see 21-year olds dating or marrying 50-year olds; they are not attracted to them. I suspect you might find a 50-60 year old man an interesting and entertaining date but not actually be physically attracted to him. This is not meant to be a screed against older men; just the way things are.

      • :-p says:

        27 is long in the tooth….. for a woman.


    • Eric says:

      America and the Anglosphere generally is anti-sex and especially anti-youth. Most normal women in normal cultures do not view every 40 y/o man as ‘creepy’ or ‘pathetic’. It’s an anti-male attitude that women are educated with here.

      Also, among American women, men over 40 who genuinely ARE creepy and pathetic have no trouble whatsoever attracting 21 and younger women. Proof again that hatred of men and masculinity is what really motivates female sexual choices here.

      • Jen says:

        I guess my main point is that, although we all find younger females and males the most physically attractive, most of us choose mates much closer to our own age – given free choice.

        By the way, I agree that the Anglosphere cultures tend to denigrate men – and even marriage. We are experiencing the disastrous cultural results.

  5. :-p says:

    A woman loses all her sexual value after age 25 or 26 or 27. Whereas MEN GAIN sexual & economic value starting around age 28 or 29 or 30 or 31 or 32 and it keeps going up.
    So men age like wine.
    So we men, we can get hawt young girls even when we are 114 or older

  6. loveless says:

    “I guess my main point is that, although we all find younger females and males the most physically attractive, most of us choose mates much closer to our own age – given free choice. ”

    I believe your statement is somewhat self contradictory. You are right in that most men have a girlfriend close to their age. However, if a man finds younger females the most attractive, why would he date females closer to his age? I can only think of two reasons:

    1) He believes that he cannot gain access to much younger females (the ones he really likes) and, from that belief (whether it is true or not) he decides that he prefers settling for a girlfriend he finds much less attractive rather than leading an alone/loveless/sexless life.

    2) Society’s harsh intolerance towards big age gap relationships. He feels that he could not endure going through such harsh criticism and prefers to avoid it even if it involves settling for much less than he’d really like.

    Therefore, it’s a conjunction of “I cannot attract the young/nubile ones” plus “I cannot stand being criticized by others” that leads most men to this situation of having a girlfriend closer to their age. Notice that such scenario is not precisely “free choice” as you imply in your comment. On the contrary, it is an extremely constrained choice: choosing something just because you cannot gain access to what you really like is all but “free”. It’s only “free” in the sense that they can choose between a)being alone and b)having a girlfriend they don’t really like, but that is not freedom. It could only be called “free” if there was a third option available where access to the younger girls was available and free from society’s intolerance towards such relationship.

  7. RS says:

    Men can’t waste their 20’s any more than a woman can because it’s during their 20’s that they’re building their SMV by establishing their career and pursuing financial stability.

    My husband has a client whose 35-year-old son is still living at home and works as a bartender. Now, being a bartender isn’t a bad thing, but it’s not particularly high the career ladder. But what really kills the SMV value of this man is the fact that he lives at home. I can’t imagine high quality women are going to be attracted to that. I suppose it could be argued that living at home enabled him to save his money and he can still move out and be a legitimately attractive prospect- but I do happen to know this is not the case.

    Anecdotal example to be sure. But my husband and I talk about this all the time. His best friend is now in his 40’s and struggling to gain career traction because he didn’t use his youth and energy to establish a foundation for himself. He squandered those assets and now finds himself tired and frustrated in a dead-end job. Just as older women have to land a husband when they’re young enough to compete in the marketplace, older men have to compete against younger, more eager men in the workplace. At least that’s the way it has traditionally been. I don’t know how motivated the younger generation is these days… My husband isn’t seeing a lot of that in his line of work anymore- but that’s another discussion.

  8. Pingback: Memento mori | Truth and contradictions |

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