”13 year olds are not ready for sex”

One argument for a high age of consent that seems to come up is that teenagers aren’t ready for sex. And it’s true – many teens are ready, and many aren’t. I wasn’t ready, I thought the idea of sex was icky, and therefore said no to everyone. Many of my friends weren’t ready. But I know girls who lost their virginity anyway, because her girlfriends had. Peer pressure can be powerful. Ready or not ready, they went for it just to fit in with their peers. It was no tragedy for them, and no horrible experience, but they didn’t enjoy it. We do a lot of things in our teens that we regret later, but life goes on (unless our actions result in horrible consequences. But I’m not a traditional Christian conservative and don’t believe sex inherently hurts a girl beyond repair).

On the other hand, I remember boys and girls who lost their virginity at 13, and were raving about how great sex was. They told me “You don’t know what you’re missing” and “There is nothing negative about sex”.

However, not being ready for sex is not a sign you’re still a child. A teenager might not be ready for sex, but they understand sex. Especially in a country with sex education in schools and homes. They understand it enough to say no if they don’t find the idea of sex appealing. They might be affected by peer pressure, and they might end up doing things they wish they haven’t, but they aren’t ignorant children.

Also, it’s needless to say that an age of consent law would do nothing to save your teenaged kids from peer pressure-induced fucking. It would be interesting to know what we should do to be fair to both types of teenagers – those that are horny, and those that are not yet ready.

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23 Responses to ”13 year olds are not ready for sex”

  1. Jerinos says:

    I didn’t even really start noticing girls my age until I was around 15-16. A couple of them aged around 13-14 asked me if I wanted to be their boyfriend but I just didn’t find them attractive.

    On the other hand, I had a female friend when I was around age 8-9 that I played doctor with. We would get a few of my dads books that had drawings of naked women on the cover and hide behind my bed while we examined them. I remember complaining that she had nothing to play with. We really had no idea what we were doing and I’m pretty sure we had never heard of sex at that point.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Funny you mention that girls your own age were unattractive until 15-16. It’s kind of strange, but older guys usually liked me more in my teens than boys my own age. I don’t know if it means anything, but it was always like that. The older guys didn’t have to be OLD, they could be in their early 20s. But there were very few actual teenage boys that I knew liked me. And I thought older men who liked me were ancient and not for me. This wasn’t like that for other girls I knew though – many of them were more popular and had normal, teenage boyfriends.
      Were you attracted to anyone at all at 13-14? Just curious.

      • Jerinos says:

        Not really. I only started watching them at around the age of 13-14 because my friends would do things like make lists of who they thought were the best looking girls, so I started looking around to figure out which ones I would choose. I frequently had some strange metrics for deciding which ones I thought were good looking. The only girl that had an effect on me was a girl that had kind of a reserved, unexpressive, serious way about her, almost haughty, but seemed kind of oblivious and uninterested in what was going on around her. I would watch her from a distance for some reason almost as if I was hypnotized but she never noticed. I didn’t have any thoughts about sex or being intimate with any of them though.

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  3. Liz says:

    Laws aren’t designed for individual exceptions, they’re based on the average or even lowest common denominator. My twelve year old is ready to drive a car, but most 12 year olds can’t, so he can’t legally.
    MOST thirteen year olds are not emotionally mature by any extent of the imagination, which makes them more easily exploitable and impressionable. In medicine there’s something called informed consent and I think it’s applicable to age of consent as well.

    In the old days, marriage matches were arranged by family which would offer a good filter…the family in that case would make a judgement for the teen. That would serve as informed consent, but this isn’t the case now.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Driving for any teenager is not recommended, as they tend to get in more accidents due to their young developing brains. And accidents during driving are too much of a risk to take, since it can immediately kill someone.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Btw, I write these “teen sex” posts from the view of someone who was in that teen situation not too long ago. I’ve never been a parent, and thus can’t identify with those who have a protective instinct rise up once someone says they want to have sex with their teenage kid. But then again I also notice that many parents don’t make a fuss out of it either, at least if the partner is the same age and they use protection. Which is, to me, so confusing, because peer pressure can be so stressful, and then it can be good to hear from a parent that no, you don’t have to have sex. Of course, parents can’t read their kid’s mind either. If they hear that their teen wants to have sex, they probably think “Oh well, if I say no they will do it anyway, so I better give them condoms and send them on their way”. Thoughts? I’m still reading various psychology books and exploring what’s best parenting in terms of this issue, so I don’t have any specific answer.

      • Liz says:

        “If they hear that their teen wants to have sex, they probably think “Oh well, if I say no they will do it anyway, so I better give them condoms and send them on their way”. Thoughts?”

        I do think that is the thought process. We’ve been trained to believe that bromide, haven’t we? “They’ll do it anyway!!” Also, parents often seem to want to be their child’s friend instead of a parent as though this is something to be desired. I think it might have something to do with the ubiquity of breakups and custody battles.

        I’m older than you, Ema, but I remember being a teenager pretty well, and I had permissive parents who didn’t offer any advise in that regard….seemed to be that way with just about everyone, even in my generation (X).
        I do think it would have helped to have more guidance. We’ve been pretty frank with ours and we’ll see how it goes. So far, so good (knock on wood).

      • emmatheemo says:

        My parents were pretty permissive too, although I was taught where babies come from at age 6 (had a very nice book, lol). The peer pressure was stressful, but it all went well in the end – I didn’t do anything regretful and am happy now.

      • emmatheemo says:

        I remember one moment the parents got angry. Me and my friend were 12 and we went out at night quietly. We walked around town and so many men in cars stopped by us, flirting and asking us if we need a ride (we said no). We did this several times, until parents caught us and told us we could have been murdered very easily. And it’s true. We were pretty dumb then.

    • Subliminal Portal says:

      But you know something, Liz? I don’t think this whole age of consent thing is as black and white as Americans would like for it to be. Society too often thinks that adolescent girls having relationships with males older than what their parents might normally approve of is something always doomed from the start, whereas same-age adolescent relationships can never go wrong. I beg to differ.

      Take the example of actress Tippi Hedren who starred in the 1963 Alfred Hitchcock movie “The Birds.” When her daughter, actress Melanie Griffith, was 13 years old, Tippi Hedren starred in a movie with then 22-year old actor Don Johnson back in the early 1970s. That is how Don Johnson met Melanie Griffith. Shortly thereafter, Melanie Griffith started dating Don Johnson despite their age difference. Much to her mother’s disapproval, when Melanie Griffith was 14 years old, she moved in with Don Johnson. Eventually Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith got married. Tippi Hedren could have pressed criminal charges against Don Johnson any time she wanted to, and he would have gone to prison on a conviction of “statutory rape” in that event and served many years behind bars. However, she didn’t, because, unlike many other American parents, she had at least the decency to talk things out with her daughter and not make any snap judgments that might have ruined her parental relationship with her daughter forever.

      Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson’s relationship may not have been the most conventional one at first or perfect one, but they were together for a long, long time both on and off. They were even married at one point in their relationship as I mentioned previously. Even Oprah Winfrey expressed no objection to this relationship upon mentioning it to her audience, when she invited Melanie Griffith onto her TV talk show, which is quite rare on Oprah’s part, because she has always been so hell-bent on opposing adolescent girls being in relationships with adult men no matter how close in age difference they are, particularly ones that involve intimacy.

      Then, on the other hand, you look at the fact that Macauley Culkin and Rachel Miner were both 17 years old when they got married in 1998. Everyone thought that they looked so cute together and would say, “Awwww. They grew up together. Don’t they make such a cute couple? Like two lovebirds in a tree. High school sweethearts in love.” Well, their marriage ended in disaster after 2 years (legally after 4 years). Macauley Culkin eventually became a train wreck, and since then Rachel Miner has been in mostly Class B roles where she either has played a trollop or a deranged individual. At one point, it was even rumored that Macauley Culkin had died two years ago, because he was so messed up on drugs. Now when you look at Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, even though they had their fair share of bumps on the road of life, they both have had very prosperous acting careers and they turned out pretty good. Macauley Culkin and Rachel Miner didn’t. So the point is, Liz, that the Puritanical establishment is not always right about these things, and people have the right to question the age of consent laws in our country.
      Now people here in the United States of America have been making a big stink over this one couple over in the People’s Republic of China whose relationship began on similar circumstances as Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson. Two years ago when 24-year old Chinese pop singer, Zhang Muyi, began dating 12-year old Chinese-Canadian model Akama Miki, American news commentators were all over it and Americans were posting hateful remarks about it everywhere on the Internet. I mean, this couple lives clear on the other side of the world, and yet Americans are up in arms about them. This Chinese couple has one of the most formal courtships I’ve ever heard of, and yet accusations of moral turpitude are still flying at Zhang Muyi from all directions, mainly from Americans, even after two years that they’ve been together. How did so many Americans get to be this hostile about this sort of thing?

      Everyone can’t marry their same-age high school sweetheart like Macauley Culkin did. And who would even want to be Macauley Culkin? His marriage to Rachel Miner represents the crassness and shallowness of many same-age adolescent relationships in the American culture. I mean, at least Zhang Muyi seems like he has more going on in the brains department than Macauley Culkin could ever have in a lifetime. Macauley Culkin is about as goofy in real life as he was in the movie “Home Alone.” If his aunt, actress Bonnie Bedelia, hadn’t been in show business to open doors for him in the entertainment industry when he was a little kid, his acting career would likely never have seen the light of day.

      I don’t mean to rain on your parade, Liz. However, if you’re on a quest for an age-appropriate Utopia where adolescents can grow sexually with their own peers, I can guarantee you that you’ll never find it, because it doesn’t exist, except mostly in the minds of those who choose to go on living in a white picket fence fantasy world. Perhaps this logic worked back in 1957, but it doesn’t work anymore. And why would society even want go back to 1957? That was well before my time and most likely before your time. That decade’s value system has been obsolete for a long, long time. Call me a bleeding liberal if you must. However, whenever I come across a story like the one about the above Chinese couple, I find myself following the lyrics of this song here faithfully.>>>>Click onto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcowVi2AP-8
      Also this song too.>>>>Click onto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wqGIwX8BG4

      Finally, the criminal justice system has been given too much power and authority over the private lives of many people here in the United States of America. The Draconian age of consent laws in our country are greatly to blame for it. At the same time, the real criminals are getting away with everything under the sun, because they have the entire system figured out and the system has been allowed to spread itself too thin in society’s efforts to make us into this perfect civilization that resembles a re-run of “Father Knows Best” or “Leave It To Beaver.” As much as I regret to say it, it’s the truth.

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  5. Laws aren’t designed for individual exceptions, they’re based on the average or even lowest common denominator. My twelve year old is ready to drive a car, but most 12 year olds can’t, so he can’t legally.

    Your nobody will spend 5 years in prison if your 12 year old drives once, nor 5 years imprisonment if someone looks at a photo of your 12 year old driving.

    Sex is not like driving, it is a natural instinct that has been around for millions of years and is necessary for survival of all species.

    It is a bad lie to say age of consent means age when adolescents are ready to have sex.

    Age of consent means:
    Sex under the age of consent is terrible, in each and every case, with no exception, and so much that government MUST interfere with draconian long prison terms.

    Age of consent does NOT mean:
    it would be wiser if most kids under that age did not have sex. Human-Stupidity’s opinion to abolish age of consent does not mean that everyone should have sex at low age. It means, sex is not very damaging, and it is the business of parents and care takers to lead and supervise their children.

    And, strangely, government need not interfere when pregnant alcoholics give birth to permanently damaged babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. Or government does not prevent parents from creating obese diabetic children by instilling wrong eating and exercise habits in them.

    Government is not concerned with health of children, government is concerned with repression of sex.

    • Eric says:

      I mostly agree with that; but would add that the sexual repressiveness also extends to age differences, even moreso. If parents were concerned about adolescents having sex, it would seem more logical to worry about a 13 y/o girl having sex with a 16 y/o boy than with a 36 y/o man. The latter is in a much better position to provide for her and make a potential husband than the younger guy.

  6. Liz says:

    “Human-Stupidity’s opinion to abolish age of consent does not mean that everyone should have sex at low age. It means, sex is not very damaging, and it is the business of parents and care takers to lead and supervise their children.”

    What if the parents and/or care takers want to have sex with the children?
    If it’s their business and there should be no age limits because sex isn’t very damaging, and all. Guess it’s their call.

    • Eric says:

      HS goes a little further than I would; for various reasons I think incest should be illegal regardless of ages involved.

      However, what a lot of people overlook is that lowering AOC would be of great benefit to single fathers. For example, if the AOC laws were lowered to say, 12 or 13, the dependent children could decide which parent had custody, without any interference from the courts/social workers—or even choose to marry. The issue of paying child support could only theoretically extend to early adolescence with a lower AOC.

      • Subliminal Portal says:

        But what I believe you’re talking about, Eric, is not the Age of Consent but rather the “Age of Discretion.” That is, the “Age of Discretion” is the age when juveniles acquire the legal right to decide which parent they wish to live with in a case of divorce. It’s somewhat of an obscure legal term, but I have heard it used before and have seen it in legal publications. However, it is a completely different legal concept than the Age of Consent. In most state jurisdictions of the United States of America, the Age of Discretion is 13 or 14 years old. That is, if the minor is that age and his/her parents are divorced or permanently separated, he/she can choose which parent to live with.

    • Subliminal Portal says:

      “What if the parents and/or care takers want to have sex with the children? If it’s their business and there should be no age limits because sex isn’t very damaging, and all. Guess it’s their call.”

      Liz? I don’t know how you figured out how to italicize your quotes. Maybe you could tell me how to do so in your reply to my posting here. Perhaps you and I don’t agree on everything, but I must commend that you have some computer skills that I strongly envy. I’ve been trying every way to italicize the above cited quote from your posting, and I’ve had no luck in figuring out how to do so.

      Anyhow, in response to your concern, let me say this. The Age of Consent in Argentina is 13 years old. However, if I’m not mistaken, there is a clause in their Age of Consent law that criminalizes sexual activity between anyone with custodial authority over a minor younger than 18 and the minor over which they have that custodial authority. I believe that the law is set up a similar way, if the exact same way, in Spain, even though their Age of Consent is also 13 years old. The safeguards that can be put in place in these same kinds of laws to prevent incest can be as inventive as the law themselves. Most state jurisdictions here in the United States of America just don’t want to mess with those particularities, so legislators throughout our country are in the mindset that if they place the Age of Consent at 18 years old or as close to 18 years old as possible and leave it at that, then society can’t go wrong. However, the public at large is feeling the adverse impact of that Puritanical school of thought in more ways than you could possibly imagine. Read this online article and you’ll see what I mean.>>>>>>>Click onto http://www.westword.com/2004-06-17/news/age-inappropriate/

      • Liz says:

        “Liz? I don’t know how you figured out how to italicize your quotes.”

        Hey, sorry I didn’t see this until now, Subliminal Portal. If you’re still reading, I’ll show you now. It’s easy. Use the instead of brackets, and do the following:
        For italics, [i] “what you are quoting” [/i]
        it works for other things, too….I’m going to experiment here with bold, underlining, and highlighting. I believe that Bold is [b], highlighting is [hl], and underlining [u].
        [b] this is bold [/b]
        [u]this is underlined[/u]
        [hl]this is highlighted[/hl] testing…..
        this is bold
        this is highlighted
        this is underlined

        Here is a helpful link: http://www.ironspider.ca/format_text/fontstyles.htm

        In the old days, I used to be able to get around profanity filters using the following code, but I dont’ think it works anymore, since Emma doesn’t screen for naughty words I think it will pass anyway:

    • :-p says:

      Probably a “victimless crime” according to HS & co

  7. Liz says:

    hey, must’ve messed up the code for highlighting and underlining somewhere. Ah well. 🙂

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