If a guy says something angry upon being friendzoned, he is usually judged harshly, and it’s suggested he felt entitled to sex to have this attitude. And sometimes they say he thought that a woman’s friendship was a consolation prize (which is an insult to her friendship).
A woman is not a machine where you insert friendship coins, until sex falls out!..
Indeed it’s true. But isn’t the same true for men?
A man is not a machine where you insert friendship coins, until friendship falls out.
Offering friendship does not necessarily result in friendship. Sometimes people aren’t interested, or want more. Does that mean women who become angry when friendship is refused, felt entitled to a man’s friendship? Ian Ironwood suggests so: http://theredpillroom.blogspot.no/2014/10/breaking-beta-ending-female-social.html . I think entitlement feelings about sex or friendship might happen, but it’s not necessary to explain the friendzone situation.
When I was a teenager, I moved to another country. I thus lost all my friends, and could only call them rarely. I had to learn to speak English and then Norwegian. I was also naturally introverted and kind of socially awkward at the time. I made my best to fit in and get to know people, but getting true friends was very difficult. I was very lonely. I saw that effort made no difference and started to get kind of mean. At this time, various older guys started hitting on me. Since I had no one to really hang out with, I tried to be “friends” with them. But they only wanted sex, which I didn’t want and was too young for. It was very frustrating and since they gave me nothing, I also gave very little. If they took me out for dinner, I took the dinner. Made out with a few of them, but backed out of having sex every time, unintentionally being a cocktease. I knew they wanted more than I could give, but I tried being friends anyway, as that desire overrode concern for their feelings. If they wouldn’t give it to me, I’d at least take their stuff (that which was freely given, obviously).
I regret being mean to them, but I also can’t judge myself too harshly. Since then I learned the truth in the saying “It’s better to be alone, than with just anybody”. And I realize it’s bad to string along unsuspecting men, just because their refusal to be friends hurt me and deprived me of what I need. But I was young and friendless, and it’s hard to imagine how I could have done better.
This experience makes me wonder if this is how it feels for a young guy to be sexless or girlfriendless?.. Some need is not being met, the efforts he’s making aren’t making a dent, and the incentive to be nice is disappearing. And just like offers of sex felt demanding and using to me, perhaps offers of friendship feel using to him.
I’m not saying it’s good to react that way. Like I said, I regret it. But it’s hardly an entitled reaction (I just WANTED friends pretty badly, not felt entitled to them), and is understandable in some ways, especially if the person is young, or/and doesn’t understand why the other person doesn’t want their sex/friendship. The negatively charged friendzone situation could simply be about two people who don’t understand how the opposite sex thinks. The guy might think “She doesn’t want to have sex with me even though I did everything right, but she wants sex with that guy who does everything wrong. Liar”. The girl might think “He puts no value in my friendship. He only valued me for my body. Pig”. Yet if they only knew how the other person thinks, they would not be so angry. And it’s possible to treat someone well, even if they have nothing to offer or offer only expenses. You don’t have to say yes to them.