One red pill rule is that a man can’t be vulnerable in front of a woman, without lessening her love for him. It might be a gradual lessening, but it will happen. Here is what Morpheus from Just Four Guys has to say in “Displays of Weakness” :
“Well, generally speaking, it is a huge mistake to expect your significant other or wife to step into that role of comforting and reassurance, except perhaps in very limited circumstances (close family member death) and very limited frequency. Because there is no way around the fact that in doing so you expose weakness and vulnerability, and now in her subconscious she is wondering if you are her Rock of Gibraltar or if you are a straw house that will get blown away in the winds.”
Are leadership and vulnerability mutually exclusive?
On one hand, I can see what he’s saying. When the leader is sweating, the whole group is sweating. Is the leader bursts into tears, everyone might think he hasn’t got it under control, and panic. When everybody looks up to one guy, and has major trust in his judgment and decisions, then his emotional meltdown means that something absolutely horrible is happening. The leader has a certain responsibility to be the brave example for everyone else, and to strengthen everyone’s spirit. If he can’t do that, maybe he won’t be a leader for much longer. And because of that, I imagine a relationship between an openly vulnerable man and a woman will last if she doesn’t care if he’s not a leader. There might be one exception: a leader man who is very expressive, and everyone knows that for him, crying, shouting, cursing or laughing loudly is not a sign of loss of control. Apparently this is popular in South American cultures, and some African ones.
Negativity is bad, no matter who spreads it
I also see another side to this story. Red pillers often say that men find female weakness cute, but I’m not sure how much weakness they would tolerate, if they had to. Do you men really want to hear that several times every day:
“Does this make me look fat?”
“I’m fat!.. “
“I’m kind of ugly, one boob hangs slightly lower than the other one, what do you really love me for?”
“Today my neighbor/coworker was such a bitch, blah bla bla… “
If someone really loves you, they tend to worry if you have a problem. They are sensitive to your needs. Whether your complaints are trifles or based on serious issues, they can wear them out. Listening to people’s problems can be really taxing after a while. And because of that, I think it’s best to limit expressions of negativity when possible. It weakens your loved one, and even you. It’s true that bottling up emotions is bad and unhealthy, but so is rumination and overthinking. As with everything, there is a healthy middle ground.
I suppose women are allowed more whining than men. But just because it’s allowed, I don’t think women should wallow in emotional weakness. It’s like allowing your muscles to weaken and atrophy – you might not “need” them as a woman, but it’s unhealthy and you’ll be less happy.
No one can be a Rock of Gibraltar
Here’s another reason why a woman shouldn’t avoid training her emotional muscles: no man can protect her from the world. It’s just fantasy. Unless you’re married to superman, your man can lose his job and be poor, get killed by the state, get killed by natural disaster, and he can cry from physical pain if the pain is big enough. He’s human and is made of organic cells, vulnerable to all sorts of damage. Even if he’s in a position of power, he might lose it – get assassinated if he’s a politician; get killed by cops if he’s a drug lord. No matter whom you hide behind, the world will always be there. It’s not going anywhere. When you were a little kid, you were too dumb to realize your parents were not all-powerful, but now you are an adult. Having a powerful man to hide behind is not a lasting solution, and can never provide the same feeling of protection your parents gave you (unless you’re a master at self-deception and reverting to childhood).
At least, that’s what I think. To me it’s clear. And because of that, the whole evaluation of male vulnerability becomes rather pointless. A man is vulnerable whether he complains or is stoic.