There Is No Man That Can Shield You From the World

One red pill rule is that a man can’t be vulnerable in front of a woman, without lessening her love for him. It might be a gradual lessening, but it will happen. Here is what Morpheus from Just Four Guys has to say in “Displays of Weakness” :

“Well, generally speaking, it is a huge mistake to expect your significant other or wife to step into that role of comforting and reassurance, except perhaps in very limited circumstances (close family member death) and very limited frequency.  Because there is no way around the fact that in doing so you expose weakness and vulnerability, and now in her subconscious she is wondering if you are her Rock of Gibraltar or if you are a straw house that will get blown away in the winds.”

Are leadership and vulnerability mutually exclusive?

On one hand, I can see what he’s saying. When the leader is sweating, the whole group is sweating. Is the leader bursts into tears, everyone might think he hasn’t got it under control, and panic. When everybody looks up to one guy, and has major trust in his judgment and decisions, then his emotional meltdown means that something absolutely horrible is happening. The leader has a certain responsibility to be the brave example for everyone else, and to strengthen everyone’s spirit. If he can’t do that, maybe he won’t be a leader for much longer. And because of that, I imagine a relationship between an openly vulnerable man and a woman will last if she doesn’t care if he’s not a leader. There might be one exception: a leader man who is very expressive, and everyone knows that for him, crying, shouting, cursing or laughing loudly is not a sign of loss of control. Apparently this is popular in South American cultures, and some African ones.

Negativity is bad, no matter who spreads it

I also see another side to this story. Red pillers often say that men find female weakness cute, but I’m not sure how much weakness they would tolerate, if they had to. Do you men really want to hear that several times every day:

“Does this make me look fat?”

“I’m fat!.. “

“I’m kind of ugly, one boob hangs slightly lower than the other one, what do you really love me for?”

“Today my neighbor/coworker was such a bitch, blah bla bla… “

If someone really loves you, they tend to worry if you have a problem. They are sensitive to your needs. Whether your complaints are trifles or based on serious issues, they can wear them out. Listening to people’s problems can be really taxing after a while. And because of that, I think it’s best to limit expressions of negativity when possible. It weakens your loved one, and even you. It’s true that bottling up emotions is bad and unhealthy, but so is rumination and overthinking. As with everything, there is a healthy middle ground.

I suppose women are allowed more whining than men. But just because it’s allowed, I don’t think women should wallow in emotional weakness. It’s like allowing your muscles to weaken and atrophy – you might not “need” them as a woman, but it’s unhealthy and you’ll be less happy.

No one can be a Rock of Gibraltar

Here’s another reason why a woman shouldn’t avoid training her emotional muscles: no man can protect her from the world. It’s just fantasy. Unless you’re married to superman, your man can lose his job and be poor, get killed by the state, get killed by natural disaster, and he can cry from physical pain if the pain is big enough. He’s human and is made of organic cells, vulnerable to all sorts of damage. Even if he’s in a position of power, he might lose it – get assassinated if he’s a politician; get killed by cops if he’s a drug lord. No matter whom you hide behind, the world will always be there. It’s not going anywhere. When you were a little kid, you were too dumb to realize your parents were not all-powerful, but now you are an adult. Having a powerful man to hide behind is not a lasting solution, and can never provide the same feeling of protection your parents gave you (unless you’re a master at self-deception and reverting to childhood).

At least, that’s what I think. To me it’s clear. And because of that, the whole evaluation of male vulnerability becomes rather pointless. A man is vulnerable whether he complains or is stoic.

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18 Responses to There Is No Man That Can Shield You From the World

    • emmatheemo says:

      Uhh, “red pill truth”? Maybe “red pill belief”? 🙂 Maybe rule wasn’t the best word for it.

      • I don’t understand what this “red pill” is, nor these other pills you speak of in your blog?

      • emmatheemo says:

        Oh, I read Rollo Tomassi, TheRedPill subreddit and JustFourGuys, which explain what those pills are. It comes from the movie “The Matrix”. Choosing the red pill means choosing the truth, even if it’s bitter. Choosing the blue pill means choosing to delude yourself with pretty lies. And the truth is, according to those sites, is that showing weakness in front of your woman is gonna gradually erode her respect for you (and thus, her love).

  1. I think you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’re quite right here, “A man is vulnerable whether he complains or is stoic.” What the red pills often fail to get, is that vulnerability is not weakness, it is strength. It takes tremendous self confidence to let your guard down and reveal yourself to somebody else. It’s not vulnerability that women dislike in men, it’s neediness, clinging, whining. Very few women want a grown man child to take care of.

    • emmatheemo says:

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting 🙂
      Hmm, I’m unsure if vulnerability is a strength or not. Sometimes, people keep being vulnerable when there is just no reason for it. They do it because they think it’s the key to friendship and understanding, and the other person keeps spitting in their soul for it.

      I once read that people grow up with different bonding styles. Some will be unable to endure too much intimacy, while others will be anxious and too clingy. And there are people in the middle, who want intimacy, but aren’t clingy. I guess moderate vulnerability means being in the golden middle, if we can call it that 🙂

      • It really is a golden middle. You have to know where you end and another person begins. Some men completely lose themselves in women and I think that kills desire.

  2. CUCH says:

    He’s human and is made of organic cells, vulnerable to all sorts of damage.

    Very well put. The male suicide statistics of the western world demonstrates precisely why their attitudes is both stupid damaging to men. I am emotionally expressive. If that makes me a “Beta” then so be it. I’d rather be a “Beta” than bottle it all up, become an emotional cripple and another suicide statistic.

  3. jeremy says:

    Interesting article.

    I agree with your premise in theory, but in practice things are different. For example, you are obviously correct that men are mortal and vulnerable to all sorts of weaknesses….yet we are expected to portray the illusion of strength and invulnerability. Further, we are expected to back up this illusion with as much reality as we can muster – physical strength, height, education, earnings, emotional stability, etc.

    The portrayal of this illusion is not simply a gender construct creating toxic masculinity (as some feminists would have it), but rather is a key factor for attraction for most women. Most women seem to be attracted to that illusion of strength and stability in men – without it, men end up alone and shunned. So we “man-up”. Not because society expects us to, but because the women we are attracted to expect us to.

    I was very blue-pill until recently (and still am to some degree). I always believed that women respect a man who is vulnerable and who can cry, because that was the message I always heard. I will never forget the look of surprise and revulsion on my wife’s face one day when I was frustrated by a hard day at work and let my defenses down and began a slow cry. I know her well enough to read her thoughts and expressions – at first, surprise – he’s crying. He never does that. Second, disgust – this is NOT attractive. Third, conflict – “I shouldn’t be feeling disgust at this….but I am.” Fourth, a comforting tap on the shoulder with disgusted look still on face.

    Women may believe that men are vulnerable and should be allowed to express emotion. But the abstract belief often conflicts with reality when ideals clash with emotions.

    • Emma the Emo says:

      I believe men who say their women reacted negatively to their crying or other displays of vulnerability. But I’m not yet sure about what it really means… My post isn’t about telling men what to do, but rather, my own thoughts. And to me, the “shielding from the world” feeling (I guess it must be a feeling?) doesn’t make sense. I guess how we feel about stuff is partially due to how we think about that stuff, and to me, deadly danger is everywhere. I’m neither miserable nor hysterical, but I’m naturally paranoid.
      If a woman came here and explained how that “safety behind a man” feeling feels and how this illusion is not blown away by reality, it would be very good.

      • jeremy says:

        “I guess how we feel about stuff is partially due to how we think about that stuff”

        Interesting that you wrote that. I just submitted an article for J4G on that very subject. But that attitude, though logical, is a “thinking” rather than a “feeling” attitude. Of course it is logical that men can not always shield women from the world, and that eventually that shield will fall (at least in some ways). But on the other hand, if women want that shield, the FEELING of that shield, they will be attracted to men who give them that feeling – regardless of its validity in logical thought. More women are “feelers” than “thinkers” in an MBTI sense, and so they will chase the feeling and be un-attracted to men who do not provide it.

      • emmatheemo says:

        I will look at your new J4G article 🙂

        I didn’t think of this attitude as so logical. I’ve been reading about stress and how the same environment can stress different people differently, it even comes down to feeling dramatically different amounts of physical pain. And all because of what they think about it. Those beliefs are not always rational.

      • emmatheemo says:

        Hmm, when is your J4G article coming out?

  4. Liz says:

    Blast from the past, that J4G thread!
    I think that was well said, Emma. I’ve never been the weepy sort, and I can’t stand to be around whiny people for long. That’s probably why I prefer the company of men. If and when I cry, or tell him something is wrong, my husband knows it’s probably something pretty serious.

    In that old thread, I thought the bit someone mentioned about ‘balancing weakness with strength’ kind of hit the nail on the head. My husband is a pretty emotional type (not the cry at the drop of a hat type, I couldn’t be married to that sort of person, but expressive and doesn’t pretend he has no vulnerabilities…as I said on that thread, I wouldn’t think I much of a partner if he couldn’t have vulnerable moments with me and had to call his buddies for that).

    • Emma the Emo says:

      I remember reading that in the comments 🙂 Was your husband not Cuban? I also remember reading somewhere that in some other cultures, it’s expected for men to be more expressive than women, even though an expressive man might not express the same things as an expressive woman. And because of that, I imagine there is such a thing as a masculine expressive man. I gotta say my own dad was this way – much more expressive than mom, but popular with women. He played guitar, was generally a fun, confident guy everyone wanted to be around, but he also had a temper sometimes and was predisposed to hypertension when stressed out from work and other similar things. When I was born, it was a really risky pregnancy, and he got so stressed out that he ended up in the hospital because everyone thought he was about to have a heart attack or something (he was just 29). He was an atractive, confident guy with somewhat weak nerves. I say he “was” all those things because he calmed down with age.

      And thus I can see that he got away with certain weaknesses and expressiveness. He was neither weepy, nor stoic.

      • Liz says:

        ” Was your husband not Cuban? I also remember reading somewhere that in some other cultures, it’s expected for men to be more expressive than women, even though an expressive man might not express the same things as an expressive woman. And because of that, I imagine there is such a thing as a masculine expressive man.”

        🙂
        Yes…well, he’s first generation American, his parents are Cuban.
        I think “masculine expressive man” is a very good way to put it. I’d say he’s more ’emotional’ than I am, both with ups and downs.
        He does handle stress very very well, though…I don’t know if that’s conditioning or if he was born that way. (he also has hypertension and plays guitar!)

  5. sfcton says:

    It’s theory vs practice like Jermey says

    In practice vulnerability drives the typical woman away; there are always exceptions to the rule but those woman are rare and men have to play the game by the numbers. The fastest way to find out your unicorn is a harpy is by testing her unicorn status.

    I have been injured more then the most of men. Only one girl didn’t go cold. My ex wife went on an anti Ton rampage when I took three to the chest and my unit made a big deal out of how I reacted. Really bizarre, or so I thought at the time. Popular imagination would like to say women tend to their wounded war vets; reality is they don’t.

    Also in practice when woman knows where your soft spots are she exploits them ruthlessly

    What I see the ladies here pimping is what every failed marriage counselor pimps. If this kind of thing worked, there would be no man o sphere.

    It’s the weak and emotional men who kill themselves. I only had ons trooper eat a gun but in all the cases I am aware of, it’s emotional men who kill themselves and over women. I do know a man who killed himself on a jump but because he was dying of cancer and it was best for his family for him to die on duty so he damaged his AOD and hit the ground from 14k

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