The Contradictory SMV of the Older Man

Do men in their 30s have higher SMV than men in their 20s, or do they not?

As an average-looking woman, I noticed I get way more attention from older men, than men my age. It’s been like this since I was a very young teenager. I have been wondering about this one for a while: if teenage boys have lower SMV than 30 year old men, why did I have more adult “takers” than teenage ones? And why do some men regret not fucking all the “plain” teenage girls that threw themselves at them when they were in high school? It is as if getting older gives men a newfound appreciation for female youth. Now there is a study that might shine light on that mystery:

“Empirical results show lower cognitive ability, lower educational attainment, lower occupational wages, lower earnings, and less attractive appearance among those married to a differently aged spouse.”

I can’t say this fits my situation when it comes to cognitive ability and education, but so far, I’m poor and average-looking, and with a man who is 10 years older than me. He is similar – smart and overeducated, but poor (rather cute though). My parents, on the other hand, were always hot, popular people, and they are the same age. What does it mean? Does it mean a woman “settles” for an older man?

It’s also true that most women marry older men (even if by a few years):

“Most men marry women younger than they are; with the difference being between two to three years in Spain,[3] with the UK reporting the difference to be on average about three years, and the US, two and a half.[10][11] The pattern was also confirmed for the rest of the world, with the gap being largest in Africa.[12]

At the same time, there are men who swear they get way more attention now, than in their 30s. And there are women who swear men really get better looking with age (this comment section: ). Perhaps the former is explained by men getting higher marriage market value, not large sexual market value. And the latter could be explained by women’s preferences for looks changing with age:


Chart comes from Christian Rudder’s book “Dataclysm” ( )

In short, men in theirh 30s could be getting more attention from former carousel riders who want to jump off the carousel, and women slightly younger than themselves. Also, average-looking young women. Is there more to it?

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25 Responses to The Contradictory SMV of the Older Man

  1. Andrew says:

    Forgive me but what is “SMV” ?

    • Sexual market value. In short, how sexually desirable you are.

      • Andrew says:

        What a crass term. Romance reduced to Hoochification IMO.

        I though it was “Stupid Macho Vulgarity”. ☺

      • Well, sexual market exists whether we think it’s crass or not 🙂 Some people are found desirable by a large number of people, while others only have a few takers. That’s just the reality of things.

      • Andrew says:

        I think it is better to do it God’s way than adopt the Meat Market mentality of the Mediocre Masses. SMV is subjective – like social “science” ; it sounds objective but that is very doubtful. It reads like a glorified name for “sex appeal” or “hotness” – but perhaps I have misunderstood the term. I had never heard of it before reading it here.

      • Of course it’s subjective. I always say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s just that a large fraction of beholders have the same taste. That is why I say some people have more takers than others.

      • What do you mean by the God’s way?

      • Andrew says:

        Be true to one person, take marriage seriously as a binding covenant, look for a mate in Church (rather than in a bar !) or just let God bring the right person into your life…

      • Sounds good. Although I’m not too fond of simply waiting for the right person to appear – we have to be proactive about these things. Move to a different environment if necessary, make ourselves more desirable as marriage prospects, approach people instead of always waiting for them to approach.

      • Andrew says:

        All good and valid points. In my case it was when I went far away to another country – then gave up and resigned myself to being alone that a wonderful person came into my life – but you’re right, one cannot be passive.

  2. nate says:

    Older men do have a higher sexual market value than younger men for several reasons. Younger guys tend to be worried more about their “cool factor” and so are often afraid to approach. It’s usually when they get older that they begin to master flirtation and conversation without an abundance of neediness. Young women, especially those who have children, see how detrimental it is to their relationship for their partner to spend countless hours playing video games or hanging out with their “homies” all night long. Most older men are more established and family-oriented and that spells security to most females.

    • Matthew Chiglinsky says:

      I do notice I pick up on female body language more now that I hit my mid 30s. It was odd for me considering that I’ve been generally socially awkward my whole life. It’s like those unconscious mating instincts in my mind suddenly began to wake up. Unusually long eye contact, hair stroking, lip biting: these are all signals, right?

      Oh, a 20-year-old girl once told me she didn’t like dating older guys because they always wanted to spend “quality time” with her, whereas SHE wanted to go out partying with her friends. But maybe that was just her personality.

  3. Liz says:

    Hm. My anecdotal observations don’t really match. My parents were 20 years apart in age, and very good looking people (though not rich, they were not poor by a long shot). But then my husband’s parents are the same age and really affluent…but his mother isn’t very good looking (his father though, when younger, was objectively the best looking man I’ve ever seen in person in my life, to include several famous “hot” actors…my husband gets his looks from his father).

    We have a lot of affluent friends though who are pretty far apart in age, and the wives are very very good looking. My husband and I are three years apart, and well educated, and pretty well set financially.

    • Liz says:

      Just thinking further (having only read the synopsis and not the full report) the study results might have something to do with first versus second marriages, too. People who marry young and stay together tend to do better, financially and all that. People who marry and divorce, and then remarry aren’t doing as well. For a second marriage, the ages are usually more disparate (older husband, younger wife).

      • Unfortunately I can’t read the whole article 😦 Perhaps the explanation is as you say. Correlation doesn’t equal causation, and one can’t make the final conclusion about what this means so easily. Frankly I’d be kind of surprised that men who marry younger women are uglier and poorer. “He couldn’t get a woman his own age” sounds absurd.

    • Kitty! 🙂

      Sorry. But that’s one cute avatar.

  4. Matthew Chiglinsky says:

    I think it’s a father-daughter Freudian thing. It’s also a predator-prey thing. A strong male wants a weak, helpless, naive, little girl.

    The good males want to save her. The evil males want to conquer her. The in-between males want both. Is it chivalry or borderline rape and pedophilia? Human psychology is complicated and dark.

  5. caprizchka says:

    Marriage between “peers” is what is new. Traditionally, the parents of a young girl would introduce her to a man 10-20 years her senior and if she wasn’t completely opposed, she married him at say 15.

    Experience, wisdom, patience, and psychological skills trump sheer athleticism in my view.

    However, the literature of “romance” changed that, starting with, of course, Romeo and Juliet. With “romance” girls were encouraged to look toward their male peers as sex objects and even marry them.

    In my view yet another advantage of a committed relationship with an older man is that there is going to be less in the way of “sibling rivalry”. There’s no question that, generally speaking, he’s the guy with the more “wisdom” and so decision-making just got a lot easier. His “authority” is less contentious.

    I would go so far as to say that filling the heads of young girls with “romance” ultimately diminishes “authority” in society except for a few at the top of the food chain. Good reason for a publisher to push “romance” novels.

    Also, with regard to your experiences, I think that older men are more discerning of women with a trace of individuality and as such desire to listen to what they have to say; while young men are more distracted by their biological imperatives.

  6. If it wasn’t for the social and legal pressures resulting from paedohysteria, in today’s “free” sexual market, most men (citation not needed) would be pursuing an interest in teenage girls, and probably not giving 25 year old women the time of day.
    Wouldn’t it be a kinder, more humane world, if instead of peak SMV men being +ified in public to satisfy the bitterness of 25 year old women , that teenage girls were taken to retirement homes by their teachers in order to give the peak SMV men a free suck & fuck?

  7. Phil says:

    I think it is ‘indirectly’ true. It isn’t that age in itself brings a higher SMV. it mostly certainly does NOT, in the case of females (for the fertility reasons you dealt with elsewhere), and to a lesser extent for men either (lower sperm counts, less energy and strength). But in men, these factors are outweighed, by things such as career, more rounded personality (especially that old chestnut – SOS – young guys’ SOS is as sophisticated as a brick), experience and world knowledge, power and influence, and (arguably) more likelihood that he will be content to settle. A few young guys DO have these attributes. We can all recall those guys at school who stood head and shoulders above the rest in terms of their self-assuredness, sensibleness, communicability (SO important) and an obvious aura of where they were going in life, and obvious destiny to make a good career for themselves. Girls were drawn to them like a magnet. These were the exceptions, however, so most girls are biding their time, feeling their way, flexing their sexual muscles, playing all the brutal little flirting games with all those boys who are barely able to let go of their mother’s apron strings, until in mid-20s or early 30s men finally catch up with them a little in terms of psychological maturity. Then, female finds her guy worthy of settling down with, and opening her legs with in more than just a capricious way, and yes he’s often several years older than her. The exceptions work both ways, though, and plenty of guys in their 30s or older who have STILL not gained any kind of confidence or place in society, and therefore still have no SMV whatever. I think they are the types more likely to try their luck with female youth, ‘losers’ though they are in common parlance, they have nevertheless gained a certain manipulative wisdom. ‘As if getting older gives men a newfound appreciation for female youth’ – that’s a basic biological truth that works for both sexes, I think. Most people hanker for their lost youth, and respond to the memories of it they see in others. The general effect of all this is that, yes, man’s SMV is higher in his 30s than 20s (until the female flirting with him figures out he’s one of those who has not actually got a good career).

  8. Jimbo says:

    According to my observations, all in all, younger and older men have pretty much equal attractiveness, but for different reasons and traits.

    However, it seems easier for older men to adopt some of the younger men’s traits than vice-versa because the things that are attractive in the older men are more concrete and take time to achieve. And if they do (like be a little more adventurous, playful, mischievous, and/or fun), they’d become significantly more attractive than their younger fellows.

    Things that increase the SMV of younger men:
    – They are more boisterous, and are more likely to have that cocky, thuggish attitude.
    – Have better physiques and are more athletic.
    – Are more adventurous, exciting, and challenging to their girls — they need more “fixing”.
    – Are more defiant of authority.
    – Are more “hip”, and more in tune with “what’s in”.

    Things that increase the SMV of older men:
    – They have more actual power (money, property, connections, skills, etc.) rather than the illusion of power younger men give through their attitude.
    – Have more authority.
    – Make better leaders.
    – Have more experience and the “been there done that”, unimpressed attitude that comes with it.
    – Are more socially savvy.

    It goes without saying that these are trends and averages and not all older and younger men have them.

  9. Jimbo says:

    Btw my father is 15 years my mother’s senior, and when it’s time for me to settle down I’ll most likely go for a girl that’s 7-15 years my junior as well. Makes things easier to establish who’s boss in the house.

  10. Here says:

    Women of any age can be attract to a 20 years old man. It just that WOMEN value MONEY, POWER, MATURITY more than Visual. (This is why they will prefer to be attracted to an older man than them).
    – A 20 years old woman will be attracted to a 25 years old man.
    – A 25 years old woman will be attracted to a 30 years old man
    – A 30 years old woman will be attracted to a 35 years old man
    – A 50 years old woman will be attracted to a 55 years old man.
    WOMEN don’t look at younger than themselves because they prefer someone who they can relate to (have better connection and chemistry), romance and frienship-lover discussion.

    While Men value Visual/physical more than Money,Brain,Character,Maturity….so a 20 years old is attractive to them (no matter their age) even if there is no love, no discussion, no chemistry, no connexion, no children. Most men don’t care. As long as sex is there, that’s all they want.

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